Joy for the Day

This is what it's all about

2010-04-21T04:44:00.002-04:00

The night has once again gotten to be very long and I reach for something to settle my spirit and my wandering thoughts that seem to be very loud in the quietness of this night. Everyone (even the cats), are long asleep.....except me. I've finally decided on a color for the large open concept living space on the main floor of our large townhouse. It's the most refined, soft (but not feminine) with a certain loving brightness and warmth to it all at the same time, elegant, welcoming shade of delicate peach. Now I really really have to try to go to sleep!

There's a song which has always brought me both comfort and strength in every situation you can imagine and I wanted to share it. Amazing that the performance I found of "My Life is In Your Hands" by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir was part of an outdoor concert their smaller traveling group (but just as big in sound) gave at a state penitentiary in Louisiana...where the average sentence is 88 years. Angola state penitentiary --- a place the name of which strikes fear and hopelessness in the hearts and minds of those who are either about to go there, have family there or have been to a place where this is familiar

I hope as the music washes over you that it will give you whatever it is you need, and the freedom to feel at peace, and then maybe you might say a little prayer for the souls there who still have not yet found *freedom* even in a place where that word brings thoughts of impossibility. Our life is in His hands.....this is really what it's all about. I pray you're able to find rest there.....and me, too.

Newer is not necessarily better...

2010-04-21T02:17:00.005-04:00

Ok I'll admit it. I have AOL, and not the freebie one. Before we entered the online world I had carefully researched the various Internet Providers and concluded that for lots of reasons (waaay back then) AOL was going to be "it". Well, it's many years later and yes, we still have AOL. I don't quite dare go to the free version not only because you just know it's not going to be *free* forever, but also because I don't like the way it manages my email or allows ME to manage/create it.

You may think me nuts for hanging onto it, but it's been so user friendly and intuitive, plus as I don't read print newspapers, I get all my main and world news online. I have my AOL set to point me in the direction of my personal interests in addition to the headlines and other intriguing things and I can take it from there. And I can keep up in a conversation with anybody who reads any newspaper and often have tidbits of info that they don't know about.

Yes, I love my Google Chrome browser and my Mozilla Foxfire and frequently will exit AOL to use these to access the internet after I'm done with mail and catching up with news. Love the speed and the ability (with Google Chrome) to save the places/pages I most often go to so I can just click on them and boom.....I'm there.

This computer has Vista for its OS and of course, periodically AOL upgrades its software for "newer, faster, better" and sometimes, it's actually been a good thing. However, when AOL 9.5 came out in beta, man was that some bad stuff. It would continually stop working and run very slowly which made no sense as this is a very fast machine with tons of RAM. Yes, I know AOL runs every little thing through various filters and such which would result in slowing it down, but I no longer even use their anti-virus "security suite" once they discontinued it as part of your subscription. As we have cable access, I have the anti-virus, anti-spyware, anti-anything bad stuff through our cable provider which CONSTANTLY updates it. So, when AOL 10 appeared, I uninstalled my clunky 9.5 and thought "NOW we're going to get something good!" and installed AOL 10.

Friends, unless you have microscopic vision and also enjoy torture, DON'T DO IT!!!! Talk about frustration. Yes AOL 10 was fast. But the way the email program worked was just plain crazy! Loony! Two different "saved mail" folders? I tried to adapt and learn, really I did. Soon I thought I'd get the hang of this "tabbed browsing" lunacy, but no. So just a little while ago I went through the exercise of uninstalling AOL 10 and searched for an older version which would run on Vista. Let me tell you, they do not make this easy, especially if you have Vista or Windows 7. Finally I was left with the option of going back to 9.5 which is now thankfully out of beta. I said a little prayer and installed it hoping that it would load pages faster and not be "unresponsive" causing me to have to shut it down and start over.

So far, so good. It was wonderful to see my email the way I used to see it, create and manage it. That in itself was worth the FOREVERNESS it took to download and install. Just why is that, anyway? But after all that, I've got it back.

Just another example of newer is not necessarily better........

The Commodores - Nightshift Live (1985)

2010-04-19T06:50:00.000-04:00

This is really getting to be a regular Nightshift!

2010-04-19T06:28:00.005-04:00

Another night (ahem....morning but without any sleep between last night and now) and all is quiet around me. Too much racing mind about everything to get done. Would you believe that I have to get ANOTHER book, that is 3 ring binder with protective vinyl sleeves for paint "chips" and all the other stuff that goes along with the Londonderry house end of things (meaning we have to wash all the walls and repaint everything due to our tenant having been a heavy smoker). And hey....I'm not a prude about that smoker issue. But when you get some computer generated correspondence from this person through the mail, read it, and then even your hand smells like you've had a cigarette, now, that's going to be some heavy smoke issue stuff to deal with. If just the paper which rolled out of his printer and came through the mail smelling that strong, can you even imagine what a large townhouse is going to be like? Walls, carpet, window treatments......have to stop thinking about that now.

Then there are the pages with all the things necessary about moving from HERE. Heck, I've got one page color coded with the different marker colors for each room to mark the boxes with so the movers will know where they go! And I'm not especially unusual in this, apparently as I've always moved this way and the moving guy I'm dealing with is very familiar (and happy) with this technique. Each room in our home to where we're moving back will have the same color codes on the doors (taped) so everything will be very clear. Saves bunches of time and frustration on moving day. But now? Endless details.

Oh....and the multiple reminders.....did the tenant leave a zero balance with the utilities so we'll have no issue putting them in our name. I kid you not: there was a season when the gas bill which was NOT in our name remained unpaid and the gas company came after US up here where we're living! I learned from this experience. Leaving nothing to chance about that one. Gas and electric. Already checked with cable and his cable is his wherever he goes, as is ours. We have no concerns about any potential cable balances there. I do think this is about the ONLY thing we have no concerns about. Yikes. No wonder I'm not sleeping. My thought is that when I write something in the notebook and then close it, I don't have to think about it any more. But my mind is endlessly turning over things I may have forgotten. OH! Like, I learned there's a different cellar door which has been installed.....got to locate the local locksmith to change ALL the locks, including that one. See what I mean?

Many of you can relate to this "nightshift" concept, but in totally different ways, though those of you in the insomniac club are very familiar with my particular version. Had to do something to ease my mind beyond everything else, none of which has been working. Yup. Youtube again. For some unknown Blogger reason, the song got posted before the post about the song! Go figure. But at least it's here!

I love this wonderful song by the Commodores....everything about it. The harmonies, the rhythm, the meaning of the words, the people gone too soon from among us but who brought us other wonderful music. I wish I could have found a better recording of this, but this was the best I could find.

So for all of you who are on the "nightshift" along with me, for whatever reasons....including actual work shifts, take a break and settle in. I'm working on getting my groove back and this is the kind of music that does it for me. I hope it refreshes you. Breathe easy, friends. Somehow, it will all work out. Go ahead. Click on it and listen once again.

Such Pure Joy!!!

2010-04-17T04:20:00.001-04:00

Have you had so many sleepless nights that your brain feels hot? Well, I know it's not my "brain" because it cannot *feel*. But, if I didn't know any better, it's been just too cooked. Too much to think about. Too much to do. Too many unknowns! AAAAAARGH! For a person like me, this is like sandpaper on raw nerves. Literally nothing under my control. Choices, but can they be accomplished? I've lost my "vision" and my sense of purpose. I knew I needed to just go play.

At times like this, YouTube never fails me. It's been so long that I've posted to this blog, though, that I can't seem to share this song I really like with you and the amazing video with it. Dolphins flying and leaping through the ocean. Whales that you can almost hear laugh. Utter abandon. Not a care in the world. Watching it, hearing a song I've not listened to in a long time, "Cool Change" brought the temperature of my brain down a few degrees. Phooey. Oh not about the slightly cooler brain, but that I'm not sure I can embed the video here. If you haven't seen it, you'll love it. Who can see this without being amazed, relaxed and released from tension at least for a little while. Going to try it again (embed the video). Hallelujah it worked! Oh take a few minutes, and enjoy!!

New Life Through Lent...Prepare the Way

2010-02-22T10:01:00.005-05:00

Yesterday the doorbell rang which of course set off the ferocious barking of Daisy, our Westie wonder watch dog. This isn't unusual as you never know who may be at the door, or what critters might wander across our lawn. Daisy has a huge vocabulary which is different for squirrels, other dogs or cats, people on the street, the UPS guy, people who come to the door and especially the postman. Wow does he get some intense barking. I really believe she is certain it is solely her earnest barking which keeps him from coming right into the house, as our mailbox is just outside the front door.

But this visitor brought two pleasant surprises. One was a jar of maple butter and the other was his annual request to tap the maple trees. "Already??" I asked. "Really?" He seemed a little amused at my inability to keep track of the shift in the season and he smilingly reassured me that yes, now is the time to begin the sugaring season.
When you think of it, there's more than a little irony in the timing of this, as just the day before was Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent and the time we think of some kind of self-deprivation…not "sugaring" and the luscious sweetness springing from the heart of the sugar maple trees.

The concept of choosing something we enjoy and giving it up during the Lenten season is for the purpose of feeling the little vacuum and pang from its temporary loss in order to step a bit away from the world and walk more closely with Jesus…to fill that vacuum with prayer, Bible reading, quiet time, or some other spiritual reading or activity to deepen our relationship with the Lord. The fact that the timing of this coincides with "sugaring season" gives even further dimension to what this opportunity for spiritual growth is about.

Those who have lived in maple syrup country know that the syrup doesn't just flow straight out of the trees, ready to be poured on pancakes or other yummy food. Tapping the trees is just the start of the process which will then involve lots of boiling down to get to the real essence of the luscious, precious golden syrup itself. The sap is strained to remove any little odd bits which have fallen into it and then the boiling and separating into different qualities of syrup begins.

When you think of it, this is very similar to the spiritual process and purpose of Lent, too. Sifting out the things in our hearts and lives which keep us from being closer to Jesus as well as from healthier relationships with others, and enduring whichever deprivation we may choose or discipline we elect to practice in this season in order to become more united with the heart of Christ, deepen our relationship with Him, and experience more fulfilled and joyful Christian living.

If we look even more closely at the tree symbolism, the sweetness of our salvation and eternal life involves trees as well. Beginning with the harsh long spiky thorns of the Hawthorn bush from which the "Crown of Thorns" was woven as a crown of humiliation for Jesus, to the trees which furnished the timbers for Jesus' cross for his crucifixion, death and resurrection, so also is the precious sweet essence in the sugar maple tree brought forth through the intense and completely transformative process it undergoes. Of course maple syrup is a non-essential luxury and a treat. Our salvation and eternal life is a blessed gift to embrace and celebrate.

We people are similar to sugar maple trees. Some have more harsh exteriors with bark which seems impossible to penetrate. Some are gnarled and bent, or have branches which make them appear unapproachable. But inside all of us is the sweetness God put there when we were made. Some of us have either forgotten about it or have broken places in our hearts which make it difficult for us to access or even believe it's there, let alone enjoy it ourselves or dispense it to others.

This year I'm choosing a different path for my Lenten journey. Instead of taking up a special book to study, or give up something I delight in, I'm going to carve out time every day for prayerful "sifting". My purpose will be to ask the Lord to show me the inner things which need to be healed, the broken places as well as the habits which get in the way of more peace in my life, and ask Him to remove them from me. I'll include Bible reading about the time in Jesus' life which Lent commemorates, beginning with Matthew 4:1-11 and expand from there. It's a journey we can all take to sort out and get rid of the things which keep us from our inner sweetness, the love of Christ and His goodness which dwells deep in our hearts to enjoy and share with others. In this way, I'll be preparing the way for new life just as the maple trees are preparing for spring, and as we prepare to celebrate our new life in Christ at Easter. Why not choose to take this journey, too?

January --- Happy New Year ….. EVERY Day!

2010-01-06T01:00:00.003-05:00

The sky was the kind of brilliant blue you only see in fabulous nature magazines, and all the leaves were fallen and brown, leaving the trees empty and waiting for winter. Around us, somewhere in the neighborhood, we could hear the relentless sound of a leaf blower. We have neighbors who are extremely particular about their lawns, and leaf blowers in the fall and lawn mowers in the grass growing season are very familiar sounds.

Except this time the leaf blower noise was getting closer and closer. Generally we have it down…we can tell when it's the neighbors next door, across the street, a couple houses away etc. But this was definitely different. "Look!" My husband suddenly exclaimed. "It's a guy blowing leaves in our back yard!" Now this was a first, and much needed as we sure had a yard full of leaves.
John has an electric leaf blower but hardly has time to use it.

So, who was this guy and why was he doing us the kindness of blowing the leaves out of our yard? He was extremely diligent, starting on the side, chasing the leaves along the way, out of the large dried daylily bed and ridding them all from the herb garden. When he got to the lower part of the back yard, I told my husband, "You've got to go out there, find out who he is and thank him!" He didn't have any rinky dink kind of leaf blower, either. It was gasoline powered and he had it strapped to his back. Rarely did the man look up, but concentrated on getting every single leaf out of our yard.

Pretty soon I was in the upstairs bathroom window watching John approach the leaf blower man gingerly so as not to startle him. Oh! It was a neighbor! He stopped his machine long enough to receive John's heartfelt thanks and to explain quite seriously, "Well, I needed to pray. And this is one of the ways I do it best". After nodding to John, he started up his machine and went back at it until he was done. He wouldn't accept anything in return for what ended up to be an entire afternoon of work….and prayer. Wow!

It's late in December and the snow is covering everything outside, but still those words continue to stay with me. "I needed to pray…and this is one of the ways I do it best." Think of it. "Praying best" by doing it while working, doing a nice thing for someone. Actually, everything about it makes complete sense. Deep contemplative prayer is best done while the rest of you is occupied with doing something else, or you'll find your mind wandering into other territory than what you're wanting to meditate on or talk with God about. And to combine the praying with doing something for someone else, now that's a triple blessing: you're praying, you feel good that you're doing something nice for someone, and the recipient(s) feel gratefully delighted!

As I've continued to think about this simple but profound notion since that gorgeous fall day, I've found small ways to incorporate this concept into my everyday life. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and I have found it to be a way which not only blesses others but brings peace into my life. It will make you feel that the work of your hands which God has given you to do is something sacred. Bingo! We are called to lead a holy life and this brings us out of the mundane into the observation and peacefulness of things we'd otherwise ignore and involve our mind in worry or other similar things.

More importantly, it gives us multitudes of ways to pray for others in the time we never knew we had! How to do this? Some of the ways I weave this kind of prayer into my life are to pray for the car in front of me (especially at stop lights), to pray for the people in the houses I drive by, to pray for all the people in our church whenever I'm looking at it or doing "ordinary" tasks inside it, to ask God to bring people to my mind to pray for when I'm cleaning, and many other ways I won't share or I'll be disclosing secret kindnesses as well as perhaps keeping you from creating and designing your own methods. Friends, this is a simple pathway to happiness and contentment. In keeping our mind on higher things, in doing small things for others, we are not only happier and more peaceful, but also doing some of the work of God.

Every day is a new beginning, every moment brings us a new start. Although I'm not ready to get a gas powered leaf blower, I'll never forget the wonderful lesson I learned that day. Why not begin to engage in this way of praying for others, as well as continuing an ongoing conversation with God? I promise you you'll be mightily blessed! Happy New Year Every Day!

“Gabriel’s Message”…Preparing in this Advent Season

2009-12-04T10:04:00.003-05:00

This utterly captivated me. Such a gentle but powerful rendition of the theme of this season, by Sting. So different, yet so familiar and comforting. How unique to use a muted trumpet (among other things), though we associate the angel Gabriel as the bringer of great announcements and with a trumpet.

Enjoy and be blessed.

Coffee as Meditation – A New Concept for Thanksgiving

2009-11-13T17:50:00.003-05:00

"What are these things?" I asked, looking at a small pile of different capsules and tablets next to my plate. I'd just come into the kitchen for breakfast with friends where I'd stayed overnight after working late at the University library, and they'd graciously suggested I stay at their home rather than make the long drive back to the city where my apartment was. "Oh, just supplements", they answered. Another friend who also was there said that with my hit-or-miss style of grabbing meals, this would be the best way of survival and they all heartily endorsed them. A blend of natural Vitamin C and a few other basics were in the mix….and to this day they're still part of my breakfast routine. Just before swallowing them down with my orange drink each morning, holding them in my hand I give a quick prayer of thanksgiving for these friends, hoping they are well.

If I've ever made coffee for you, you've heard the whir of the grinder and seen me pour powdered beans into what might look like an odd contraption. Years ago friends in New York taught me to make coffee by boiling water and pouring it over ground coffee in a Melita coffee maker – a manual filter system with a plastic cone shaped thing holding a filter with coffee into which the water is poured and then drips down into a glass carafe. Back then it was Melita coffee from the can, but other friends later introduced me to the delicious wonder of keeping whole beans in the freezer until you're ready to freshly grind them for each batch of coffee you make.

Comparable to my routine of a quick prayer of warm and grateful remembrance and good thoughts when I take my vitamins, I do a similar thing when I'm by myself in the quiet of the kitchen making coffee. See, the manual Melita system means taking time to gradually pour the hot water in stages over the ground coffee while it drips down into the carafe below. It's actually a gently meditative ritual involving all your senses. The sound of the beans being ground, the fabulous aroma of the coffee in the filter as the hot water works its magic in making something deliciously reviving of both body and spirit, and the lyrical sound of the water as it makes its way through the filter into the carafe. Additionally it requires watching to make sure you don't either under or over fill the carafe for the perfect strength of coffee you desire. While I'm making coffee I use some of this time to not only observe the morning's beauty through the kitchen window and think about my day ahead, but to also offer a quick prayer for the friends who taught me this wonderful method of making the coffee itself.

These are just two stories about how so many of the little things, as well as very large and significant ones, learned from people who've been in our lives are the things which shape who and how we are. Over time, hopefully we've weeded out the things which haven't been helpful and cherish the ones which have literally become part of us and even how we live and think. Perhaps because I'm looking at a "significant" birthday quite soon, I've been recently giving more thought to the compendium of people who've had a large role in the design of who and how I am and think, my habits and so many things I value. I'm glad I haven't waited until now to "give thanks" for them and that it's been a longtime habit to quickly include them among my daily prayerful thoughts.

And friends, while each day is a gift and each birthday is significant, I now have a better understanding of the concept invented by the late Jack Benny of "turning 39" each year. It's not that I don't want to age (the alternative is far less attractive), but I believe there is tremendous value in being "ageless". As a counselor I marveled that clients both much younger as well as those much older than I was related with me almost as peers. Not as "pals" as the whole purpose was objectivity and counseling skills. But "agelessness" to me means not clinging to some caricature of early youth or staying frozen in time. Far from it! It means embracing a larger view which is enriched by wisdom, and values continual self-evolution, learning, and deepening growth into the future.

As we move toward the holiday of Thanksgiving, why not consider this concept of incorporating a daily active attitude of *thanksgiving* and ask God to bring to your mind the people for whom you are grateful for the elements of your life you've kept as parts of who you are and how you think, values you have, and healthy habits you've learned. If this is a new idea to you, it would be a happy exercise to write down the names of those as you recall them and the things they passed on to you. Certain teachers and mentors, friends and family members who've enhanced who you are, and even those with whom you didn't have but a passing acquaintance if what they shared made a meaningful mark on your life. You'll also think of small things which make you smile yet are still habits which are part of your life. For me, for instance, the person from whom I learned to wrap the "string" of my tea bag around my spoon to gracefully squeeze the last drops into the cup without making a mess or using my fingers.

In addition to developing an attitude of thanksgiving, wouldn't it be a marvelous thing to share this concept with your family and have them list people for whom they are thankful and why. Blessings to you all who continue to shape my life!

Another Quiz….going to give it my best shot, you give it a try, too!

2009-08-13T22:37:00.003-04:00

1. Do you like blue cheese? Is there a word stronger than NO?

2. Have you ever been drunk? Once. I did not know there was vodka in the Hawaiian punch at the fraternity party. For me, more than a little alcohol = dizzy = sick. Not my idea of fun. A little alcohol if it's tastey is OK, too much -- no way.

3. Do you own a gun? Yes. No further comment.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid is your favorite? The one that tastes like Hawaiian Punch (sweetened with Splenda)

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not consciously. Too busy trying to get everything important ready to talk about in the 4 ½ minutes I might have with the doc. But still my BP is elevated at the visit. Probably due to the pressure of getting ready to launch into what's important to cover at the visit!

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Oh man. I'm glad I never went to the places where they're made! Unless it's turkey or chicken hot dogs, I don't eat them. Used to only eat Hebrew National with hope. Since I don't eat beef, no more.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Although it's not totally a "Christmas movie", I always like to watch "Auntie Mame" when writing Christmas cards or decorating the house (the song "We Need a Little Christmas" is from this movie)…enjoy the story and the Auntie Mame character.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? It has to be coffee…black, no sweetener. And some more coffee.

9. Can you do push ups? In theory, yes. Used to definitely. And when I give it a shot, always still can…a few.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring, especially remembering what's engraved inside it. Never leaves my hand.

11. Favorite hobby? Music.

12. Do you have A.D.D. ? No. Other things, yes, but not A.D.D.

13. What's your favorite shoes? For a woman this is a REALLY hard question to narrow down. Though I don't get to wear them often, they'd be a pair of black heels I have with bows on them and pink lining. Love those shoes.

14. Middle name? Corser. It's my mother's maiden name. It was the one "mystery" I kept from my high school students when I was teaching. Since I wouldn't disclose it, drove them nuts. But everybody needs a LITTLE mystery!

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? This is a hard quiz, it's late and we haven't had dinner yet, and too many more to name. I'm a woman. We think a ton of things at the same time. Think of a 32 staff orchestral score and you'd be close. They're not necessarily profound thoughts of course, but still…lots.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, Espresso Coffee (also black/no sweetener), Diet Ginger Ale

17. Current worry? I try not to worry. If/when I do, too many to list.

18. Current hate right now? None. Challenges, yes, hates….nope.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? At home with my husband, champagne, watched the NY New Year's Eve thing. Some might think boring, but it was nice.

21. Where would you like to go? Wow…that should be more like where would I NOT like to go (and there would be some places on that list). But within reason, the ocean and I do love Bermuda.

22. Name three people who will complete this? No idea. I got this from Walt.

23. an unusual food you tried? Escargot (enjoy but pretty rich with all that butter) Caviar….really like this on a slice of French bread, little cream cheese, the caviar and squeeze of lemon juice….oh yum! Needn't be Beluga, the black Icelandic Lump Fish caviar is fine with me. Don't care for the large red caviar though.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Sort of lavender.

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? Yes. First had them when we had a water bed. Hooked. Very nice. Even the dog and cats like them.

26. Can you whistle? A little, but pretty lame at it.

27. Favorite color? Blue.

28. Would you be a pirate? No…not so much.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Nothing regular…often a gospel tune or a spiritual…or whatever I've been working on recently.

30. Favorite Girl's Name? Oh this is just too hard! I have no idea! The names which come to mind are the names of my women friends!

31. Favorite boy's name? That would be the same as my answer for #30…except names of my male friends.

32. What's in your pocket right now? Hm…a Kleenex and prayer beads.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? One of our cats deliriously happy lying in the sun in our bedroom window. She turned her head and blinked at me looking really loopy with joy.

34. Best memories as a child? Not such a terrific question. I think it would be practicing the wonderful pipe organ by myself in the church where I regularly practiced and played. Started piano and organ really quite young, so it would qualify as childhood memory.

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? Lost both "little" toenails from injury sustained riding my bike barefoot. They never grew back.

36. Do you love where you live? I like it. I don't think I've ever "loved" the place where I lived. Always liked things about those places, but love? Except I did love living in New York City. Idyllic time with no responsibilities in a beautiful place and oh the music, musicians, art and learning….and the FOOD. And I do LOVE the monastery where I've gone on many retreats…need to schedule one soon. Been too long!

38. Who is your loudest friend? This made me laugh! I don't believe I have any really "loud" friends at this time.

39. How many dogs do you have? One…West Highland Terrier…female, named Daisy.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Other than my husband? I'm thinking no.

41. What is your favorite book? Usually one I'm reading at the moment! Right now it's "A Heart Like Jesus" by Max Lucado. I did love the "Mitford" series by Jan Karon. And I've been thinking of re-reading "The Name of the Rose" by Umberto Ecco on our vacation, in addition to a pile of other books I'm bringing.

42. What is your favorite candy? Marzipan….definitely. I mean chocolate is a given, but marzipan….divine.

43. Favorite Sports Team? Not such a big watcher of sports. When any of the Boston teams are winning at the end of their series, I do keenly watch then (Red Socks, Celtics, Patriots and Bruins). The UNH Hockey team has a special place in my heart, though. Went to lots of games when I was a student. Still follow their scores.

44. What is your favorite food at your favorite restaurant? I don't have an actual favorite. There are many I really enjoy with foods from many cultures. But I have to say, it truly pained me when they closed the Russian Tea Room in New York City. Oh the food….and the violinist…he could play anything. But oh the food. EVERYTHING on their menu.

45. What song do you want played at your funeral? I have no idea. I won't "be" there…have played so many funerals, I don't know. But if there was a ton of money to pay for a marvelous choir, it would be Gregorio Allegri's "Miserere mei, Deus". Simply amazing. Like angels singing. Whew! Done! Now, it's your turn! It really was kinda fun :-)

Go With the “Flow!”

2009-08-13T20:11:00.004-04:00

A framed cartoon of two angels looking quizzically at one another has one asking, "Well, Bonnie, what do you think the next crisis will be?" and the other responds, "Gee, Karen, I don't know. But if we wait 5 minutes, I'm sure we'll find out!" Does this feel just too similar to your life? Are questions like this one asked often at your home or office? Most Americans these days answer a vehement "YES!"

Terms such as "crisis management", "triage" and "911" used to refer to the exception rather than the rule, the emergencies and the imminent threat to life being separated from the usual and customary of day-to-day living. Are those words part of your everyday lifestyle vocabulary? Perhaps not the exact words, but the feeling?

For some time now, psychologists have been studying something called "flow". You know, as in "go with the flow". This term describes the feeling of being one with something going well or times of feeling both in control and relaxed simultaneously. Stop for a moment and think about when you feel this way, or when the last time was when you felt like this.

People who are able to identify this sensation recall they come the closest to it in moments while driving on a highway in smoothly paced traffic without delays. Other times of feeling "flow" are experienced by people singing in a choir or swiftly and easily doing something mundane like stuffing envelopes. Despite the seeming disparity of these things, they all have the same thing in common: the awareness of what it feels like to do something with ease.

The keyword here is not so much "ease", but "awareness". This is good news due to the demands on our time which require us to manage several things at once, making the concept of "ease" seem insurmountable.

When do people least feel "flow"? If you guessed it's during their vacation, you were correct. In addition to awareness, the other necessary component here is something which is learned. Although it seems odd, we just don't learn how to relax!

At this time of year when the back-to-school commercials prompt us that summer is coming to a close, we often feel wistful and sad that another golden season has passed us by. Once again it feels too late to capture a little something for ourselves. If we had the time, how would we learn that awareness of being in the moment? How could we then know when we have that "ease"?

This peaceful quality can be learned by making small but decisive changes one little bit at a time. Here are some ideas to consider in making this happen for yourself:

1.)Choose a verse or inspiring phrase that sets the tone for the changes you want to implement and start every day with it. An example might be, "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24)
2.)When the telephone rings, let it be a signal for you to stop and take a breath instead of instantly lunging to grab the receiver. Remind yourself of the verse you've chosen.
3.)Make a commitment to take an amount of time every day in which you will be peaceful. Really. If this is only three minutes to start, be diligent in taking the full three minutes each and every day. Think of something that you enjoy. Read that scripture you've been saying you want to start. Remember: just small pieces of time to begin with instead of trying to do too much and being overwhelmed or sabotaging your intentions before you really get into it.
4.)Take a "prayer break". Stand up and walk a bit, (even if it's just to the rest room or to get a drink of water) while lifting your mind for a few moments from the tedium of whatever you're working on.
5.)Instead of becoming tense when the light ahead of you turns red, use this as an unexpected moment to take a slow deep breath and roll your shoulders to UN-tense.
6.)If you usually have the radio on at work, home, or when you drive, try turning it off once and a while and become re-acquainted with the relief and beauty of silence.

Remember that your life didn't become as hectic as it feels in one fast leap, and that the pathway toward calmness and peace is made of many little steps toward that goal. Instead of bracing yourself for the crises which will inevitably occur, why not enjoy the time in between them! That old phrase, "Go with the flow" can be achieved by looking for the pleasant surprises that are there… just waiting to be noticed. This September, why not learn to Go with the Flow! Not only will you actually become more productive, but you'll have the awareness to discover more of the happiness and fulfillment the Lord intended for you and has planted in your heart.

It’s Not About Us

2009-07-23T10:01:00.008-04:00

My Administrative Assistant quickly grew to be far more than that. Soon, because of her talent, experience, all around fabulousness and positive attitude, her responsibilities grew until she basically ran our "front office". Scheduling appointments, talking encouragingly with people experiencing every kind of "disorder" you can imagine, doing all the Accounts Payable and Receivable, working with health insurance companies in billing and claim follow-up, payroll, transcribing notes she'd take at our weekly staff meetings and working closely with me, the Director, Bonnie was a wonder. She even bought the coffee (from the agency's funds for this) and kept the waiting room and everyone on staff supplied with hard candies in our offices which reflected the seasons and holidays! It wasn't long before we became good friends, too.

Bonnie's talents and experience encompassed far more than many kinds of office/secretarial/accounting skills. She had also worked as a courier who routinely carried hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of diamonds and other precious gems to and from the jewelry district in Boston, worked with retail jewelers and was very involved in the world of wholesale jewelry to being in a partnership herself in this work. I learned many things from Bonnie!

Here's something perhaps a few women reading this may already know, but if you don't, it may well come in handy one day. Have you ever had a necklace chain so tangled with itself or other chains in your jewelry box that it seemed almost impossible to straighten out? This is the jeweler's solution. Place the tangled chain(s) on a flat surface and pick up two pins…one for each hand. Slowly work with the pins in the links of the knots in the chain(s) and before you know it…presto! No more knots, and what had been tangled and impossible is now usable again! I wouldn't have believed it unless I'd seen it, and now periodically repeat this maneuver myself.

Are there parts of your life which seem tangled in knots or as complicated as fine chains woven together so you can't tell one part from the other? Do you find yourself frustrated more easily, smiling less often, and your thoughts focused more on the things or people you have difficulty with? This is not the way God meant us to live and gets in the way of the purpose He created each of us for. And August is a perfect time to do something about it.

Even if you have no vacation time in August, everyone can still intentionally set aside even as little as a few minutes every day (hopefully a few times a day) to step outside yourself, to breathe deeply and refresh yourself to prepare and receive a new perspective. Now, you may be asking, WHEN??? Be creative with what you do. Un-multi task as many things as you can. Do one thing at a time, purposely, and enjoy the process. Look out the window at the changes in the sky, even if it's raining. Clear your head whenever you find yourself snarling up in critical, frustrated, negative thinking by picking a word that will help you stop. Sometimes people find the word *stop* a good place to begin with this. Remember that old saying you most likely learned at one time about "slowly count to ten instead of getting angry"? Well my friends, this works because it puts you back in control of your thoughts. You get to decide where to place your attention. Choose something you like, that brings you peace, that puts a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, and place your focus there. Take this time to pray a short prayer, to "have a little talk with Jesus" J

Learning to step outside ourselves helps us to become more clearly focused on the things which are most important. When we recognize that in life, "it's not about us", that our purpose here is for more than just an "I" centered life, or life focused on "me" or even "us" when that *us* is only a very few, we find life to be more deeply satisfying. We are able to extend to ourselves more grace even as we do so with others. Forgiveness and freedom for ourselves becomes more easy for us as we extend it more generously to others. This is a recipe for peace and happiness no matter your circumstances. It can be the beginning of a better quality of health as well as a better way of living.

In the blog of a Paramedic (Peter Canning) I recently read, I find this quote summarizes it well: "Any time you step out of your own life and get to see the world in a new way, it can't help but make you a better person ". This was written after volunteering 8 days in Gulfport, Mississippi immediately after Hurricane Katrina. Working in 100 degree weather, in the worst conditions imaginable and 12 hour shifts, he wrote a post entitled, "What's Important" and it was about the lives surrounding him during that time. What he could do, how much he could give, the amazing things he could share which he didn't even know mattered to others, all resulted in huge blessings to him.

August is a great time to prepare for the coming months ahead, when things ramp up everywhere and school begins again. Why not take this time to think about how you can "step out of your own life", in what ways you can offer your gifts and talents to bless others and discover new and deeper blessings in your own life as a result.

This month, let's get outside of ourselves remembering in life, "it's not about us" in order to be a blessing and as a result, to find more joy!

Every Moment Offers Us a Choice

2009-06-23T02:41:00.009-04:00

Ok I'll confess. I'm procrastinating. Sort of. If you're a writer, you'll likely understand. See, there's an article that's due and has been percolating in my mind for several weeks now that needs to be written and it's challenging. Not just the writing of it, or the starting of it, but the article itself. It's about challenging ourselves to be responsible instead of looking the other way; about living within the better part of who we are instead of just letting things slide which are wrong, and no longer continuing to do nothing, allowing situations to degrade. To no longer live less than who we are and forget our purpose as people. To cease the abdication of our responsibility by either sitting idly by or perhaps worse, by taking the *easy* route of just stepping away to avoid it altogether. As civil adults in a civil organization, which also models behavior for children, to no longer allow others to be hurt (including ourselves) by a culture of bullying. See what I mean? This is not an easy subject, but is one that's been crying out to be addressed for some time. My sense of urgency about this has been fermenting by observing more and more people hurt by others as well as by those who do not say "no"…."this is wrong". I KNOW this is a hard thing to do in the face of people who have been bullied for a long time into complacency or even worse, into leaving. We need to regain our inner sense of our own power of what we will and will not accept both for ourselves as well as other adults and children. For too long there have been too many excuses to let things slide. Yet it is so destructive to our very spirit. Other eyes are watching not only those being hurtful but also those who are seeing/learning that perhaps this is the way adults should treat one another…and young people. God is watching, too. And those of us who sit idly by suffer doubly: by wincing at what we see and hear and in also knowing we haven't said or done something about it for ourselves or others.

So I needed some inspiration and turned to, you guessed it, YouTube to find a video for a song I really like. It's more like the anthem which is bolstering me to find the words to write the article which is due. The song is called "What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?" by Heather Small. And I got way more than just inspiration as I was doubly blessed by not only hearing the song again but additionally by the particular video I found which goes with it. This is a video which reminded me so much of my younger sister (by 4 years) and only sibling, Marcia who died tragically many years ago. At only 20 she was already a very accomplished and determined young woman. Marcia was majoring in Special Education in college and was an incredible horsewoman. She and her Morgan horse, Proctor's Royal Duke, attained considerable fame together throughout New England. There is still an annual state trophy sponsored in her name for the rider who has achieved the highest points in a year. A grand champion trophy.

As I watched the video, tears of jubilant remembrance came to my eyes. Although the young woman in the video is riding a pony and is a "jumper", there are so many similarities. The pony she started with was almost impossible, yet with much time and practice, you'll see there's been an extraordinary transformation. Oh I saw the flaws, I heard my inner mind's voice saying what Marcia would be saying, "Feet IN…sit UP…hands STILL" etc. Riding is exhilarating, but it is demanding and hard work. But the results are, well, they are more than marvelous. My sister, like the girl in the video, also rode "English" (instead of with a Western saddle, dress and style) but "Saddle Seat" instead of all the jumping you'll see in the video. Even at her young age she had mastered the amazing art of Dressage…which is like ballet with your horse performing amazing feats while the rider is very still in the saddle, seeming to give no visible commands at all. Leaping, cantering, trotting, flying "lead" changes (which hoof the horse *leads* with while running), sudden stops and twirls and movements with ballet names such as "Arabesque". Breathtaking to watch.

Although in many ways we were very different, in some very important things, we had strong similarities. She stood up for the "underdog" and was dedicating her life to something I have been doing all of mine: empowering others to find their best selves and living in the joy of found purpose, healing wounds, mediating conflict with gentleness and resolution, and finding peace and dignity in how they treat themselves and others. The title of this post comes from some remarkable words I read online written by the major of Newark, NJ. The mayor's name was not listed, and as I don't even know when this person was mayor, unfortunately I cannot give proper credit. They deserve to be put in their entire context. I was stronger and more determined from reading them, and I hope you will feel the same way, too.

"We are living in a poverty of compassion, action and moral imagination. Too many people care too little about change and being a catalyst for change. We can't let our inability to do everything undermine our determination to do something. Even the smallest act will undermine the largest obstacle. Every moment offers us a choice – accept conditions as they are or take responsibility for changing them." These words were followed by two powerful quotes: "All humanity is one individual family. Each of us is responsible for the misdeeds of the others" – M. Ghandi And finally, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" – Martin Luther King, Jr. Most importantly, the words of Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets."

So, my friends, what have you done today to make you feel proud? I so hope you enjoy the video and the song.

Peace, Perfect Peace

2009-06-21T02:09:00.003-04:00

Some of the choir members where I’m Director of Music know that we enjoy the rather irreverent BBC program, “The Vicar of Dibly”. But most especially, I enjoy the theme song! I thought for sure it was written by John Rutter until I located a lovely performance of it on YouTube together with a slide show of scenes from the rural English countryside.

It’s a lovely, crystal clear setting of “The 23rd Psalm”, and even the arrangement of the notes in the song is as absolutely reassuring and comforting as the words themselves. It all flows like a gentle stream, unhurried and never perplexed. Now those are two qualities I’d like to embrace within my life on a daily basis! *unhurried and never perplexed*. Yet as foreign although much longed for notion this may be, it is precisely how Jesus would have us live.

So for the sweet coolness, some unhurried and un-perplexed moments of perfect peace, I’ve embedded the music video of “The Lord is My Shepherd” (Psalm 23) b y Howard Goodall. I wish I knew who is performing this piece, but that’s the way it goes in this case.
Do enjoy and come back and play this again, especially when you need a little refresher of some peace, perfect peace.

Sometimes You just Have to Lean

2009-06-19T03:09:00.004-04:00

Well, it's been three nights in a row of not getting to sleep before 4:00 a.m. and I'm in a funny mood. Not "ha ha" funny, just thoughtful and looking for things which gladden my heart. For those of you who know me, and many who've come to become acquainted with me through this blog as well, have probably already figured out this will have something to do with music. And, you'd be right!

I'll 'fess up about something else, though. I am a "House" junkie. I so enjoy that program. We didn't discover it until just this year, so watching all the re-runs on USA has been a total pleasure as they're all new to us! Many nights I'm just blissful as that network will run several episodes in a row. USA has even had "House" marathons!

I can't explain why I like this program so much, the main character, Dr. Gregory House, is an irascible character who is not easy to love. He's a brilliant diagnostician, though in the real world, the way he calls for oodles of very pricey tests, I can't imagine patients who'd get out of "Princeton General" for less than a million dollars…and that's before they start TREATING the patient for the condition/disease House and his team have diagnosed.

It's got to be something about the relationships, the strange but strong friendship between House and Wilson, the compassionate oncologist buddy of his and the love/hate relationship House has with his team. This is not real life medicine (as far as some of the reckless, risky, incredibly pricey tests and procedures by the tens or twenties) in practice…doctors also do not order their colleagues to break into patient's homes to look for clues to causes for the mysterious combinations of symptoms the patients present with. But the diseases, disorders etc. ARE real. Most of them are very rare, some are extremely unusual and unique but common sense, but all are REALLY interesting. Nothing will make my week more glorious for the moment than those episodes when I "get" the diagnosis before House or his team does. It's positively exhilarating.

House is a miserable guy, in constant pain, self medicating continually but manages to keep his edge and amazing insight. His fund of information (actually that of all his team) is extraordinary. He also has a baby grand piano and a collection of guitars in his apartment and several episodes will end with him playing something…for real. He actually plays regularly in a band called, "The Band From TV". All the musicians are actors and they're a committed group who's been playing together for more than 3 years. I was so enamored by a debut TV performance of this group with House (played by British actor Hugh Laurie) playing the piano and doing some of the singing, we even got a DVD of them in concert. You'll notice actors you've long known from police shows, all kinds of dramas, and more.

I just plain like it. Below is a video from YouTube with The Band from TV playing one of my favorite Bill Withers songs, "Lean on Me". It doesn't really display the excellent musical talent these actors have, but I really like the song. The lyrics have always been significant to me and the simplicity of the tune and harmony has its own special sweetness. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Just for fun…

2009-06-13T19:08:00.006-04:00

This "quiz" was on my friend Walt's blog, www.manchmedic.blogspot.com which he got from a friend of his, "Epijunky" on that blog. I read it and thought it be fun to have at it myself. Wouldn't it be nifty if this quiz caught on and other bloggers went through the questions on their own, too? Anyway, just for fun, here goes. Thanks Walt….a little fun late on a Saturday afternoon.

1. Cigarettes: Expensive sticks of poison…too pricey in every way…pocketbook, health, ultimately your life.
2. Sex: A lady never tells J
3. Relationships: Important even, for your health! Grateful for my wonderful husband, family and good friends.
4. Your Last Ex: Cannot comment.
5. Power Rangers: Heard of them, but….say wha???? They come in primary colors?
6. Crack: Evil…will steal your brain and wreck your life.
7. Food: One of the great joys! Oh, the varieties! You can travel the world at your dinner table J
8. The President: Hm…..I had such hopes.
9. Cars: Freedom! A friend of mine calls my car my "office". Sometimes it's my chapel, depending on the music or silence.
10. Gas Prices: I agree with Walt -- Better than last year but still too high
11. Halloween: Severe badness, with seduction by candy. Stay away. You'll lose more than your teeth and your figure.
12. Bon Jovi: Many women wish they had that hair.
13. Religion: Faith is central to my life. "I am not ashamed to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ" from Romans 1:16
14. Myspace: Again, I agree with Walt. Facebook is better. Fun way to stay in touch with far away friends I rarely see.
15. Worst Fear: Something awful happening to my husband or a calamity happening to me which would leave me helpless.
16. Marriage: My husband is a precious gift.
17. Paris Hilton: I cannot understand why people pay any attention to her…??? Shallowness personified.
18. Brunettes: Long ago, in a galaxy far away…. J
19. Redheads: My favorite is our dear neighbor, Betty Carey.
20: Politics: Are everywhere…there is little escape no matter your work, unless perhaps one is a hermit.
21: Pass the time: Time? My *spare* time is between 2 and 4 a.m. J

22. One night stands: Never did this…never will.
23: Cell phone: Indispensible! Do you s'pose they could improve Blue Tooth so it won't fall out of your ear?
24: Pixie Stix: Ick. Not for me.
25: Vanilla Ice cream: Too blah…love different flavors, depending on my mood!
26: High school: Nose to grindstone, attended 2 at the same time, zero social life…..survived the craziness.
27. Pajamas: Nope. Nightgown or lightweight caftan or abaya.
28. Wood: It's almost a sin to paint it. Why do people do that? (interior and/or furniture)
29. Wet Socks: I confess. I hate even dry socks and hardly ever wear them, the standard sock type thing, that is.
30. Alcohol: I now know the delight every once and a while of a Hendricks (type of gin made in Scotland) and tonic…VERY cold.
31. The word HATE: One of the 4-letter words which divide people, unless it's about injustice. Then it should unify against it!
32. Your best friend: My husband John. I'm thankful too, for close women friends I've known for many years. Been through much.

33. Money: Believe it or not, the reason I wish we had more is because we could do more for more people than we already do.
34. Heartache: Part of life, a dance I too often know. I wish I could detach more easily from things which I cannot change.
35. Love: Is what makes my heart continue to beat…love for God, my husband, family and friends…for life itself…for music.
36. Time: Goes faster every year….I have a theory about this along with a statistical explanation…too long to write here for this quiz.

There! That really was fun. I hope it catches on! Thanks to the originator!

Just let it rain on down…

2009-06-12T17:12:00.004-04:00

Many have very much enjoyed the post "Liquid Silver, Crystal Voices" which featured a video of the amazing choral group "Conspirare" singing "Light of a Clear Blue Morning". This has been especially popular among those of you who, like me, have great difficulty sleeping at night.

There is another piece which was originally written for string orchestra by the late Samuel Barber entitled "Adagio for Strings" and the first time I heard it I was captivated, hanging on every note, my heart rising and falling with each languid beat. The sound is divine. But to hear it in an arrangement for voices was like the extraordinary discovery of a rare shimmering diamond. If you have found the CD the Conspirare vocal group issued, "In the Company of Voices", you already know they sing it with the same exquisite quality of "Clear Blue Morning". More of that wondrous, cool liquid crystal.

I wanted to bring this piece to you, especially those who are members of the Insomniac Club, however I could not find a video of Conspirare singing it which I could embed on my blog. HOWEVER, I did find on YouTube a performance of this incredible music by the Choir of Trinity College in Cambridge, England. Those of you who are musicians may know the phenomenon of English interpretation of much choral music being performed at a slower pace than many other fine choral groups throughout the world. This is also true for many British performances of orchestral music as well. The Trinity College recording is no exception, with it being almost a full minute longer than other but less exceptional recordings I could locate.

The "Adagio for Strings" arranged for voices is set to something called the "Agnus Dei" which is Latin for "Lamb of God" and is part of the Catholic Mass both in church as well as in large works of music, such as the Bach B Minor Mass or Masses by other composers. The prayer is also part of other denominational traditions. The words refer to Jesus as the Lamb of God, and translated they mean:

"Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us. Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us. Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, grant us peace."

The video is very simple as it features only a still picture of Samuel Barber in black and white, so you will NOT miss anything if you close your eyes as you listen J It is an incredible meditation. A complete prayer in itself. If you are weary, trying to find sleep, or need a gentle embrace of peace, sit back and listen. Try not to push the music along any faster as one might feel like trying to do if they are tense. Just let it rain on down…note by note. And breathe, friends, breathe as you listen. Long slow deep breaths into the heart of the meaning of the music. I pray that soon you'll find tensions ease, worries cease, and discover yourself in a place of gentle grace, on the threshold of sleep.

Liquid silver, crystal voices

2009-06-05T03:43:00.008-04:00

For those of us who cannot sleep, the night is very long, isn't it? There is a quietness to it when we learn to surrender and realize that worrying about "if I fall asleep now, I'll have gotten X hours sleep when the alarm goes off" is a lose-lose game, only adding anxiety to an already too wide-awakeness. For me reading doesn't help because I'll become engrossed in what I'm reading and before long I hear the early morning birds begin. Or even praying can sometimes get my mind going about possible solutions for people's various problems…and then before long the light is on again and I'm writing. Television can sometimes help if I can find a movie with the right equation of boring, quiet or gentle enough not to become consumed in the story line.

Once I'd thought foreign films would do the trick, but nope. Even worse. I find myself listening and straining to pull up languages learned years ago to understand what's being said behind my closed eyelids. One thing, though, I've gotten my understanding of French, Spanish and Italian back in fairly good shape! And I cannot fall asleep to German. Too harsh sounding. (sigh)

It really is about surrender. Sink into the mattress. Don't worry about what time it's getting to be. For me, anyway, all those "sleep hygiene" things do not work. The advice about, "if you're not sleeping, get up and do something until you feel tired enough to sleep" wrecks worse havoc for me, personally. I'd be up all night cleaning or active at some other pursuit and get ZERO sleep and no rest on top of it. See, for me it's not about not being tired enough. It's some weirdness about just plain not being able to get to sleep. It's part of a constellation of issues I have which I won't go into here as they're really not relavant to this post. Because it's not about whatever it is behind it, it's just the not sleeping part.

A few months ago I heard the four-time Grammy award nominated choral group "Conspirare" sing an acapella piece which sounded like pure, liquid silver. Together their sound was like the most crystalline cool water being poured gently on the warm and welcoming weariness of sleepless skin. "Conspirare" is Latin for "to breathe together". They are simply amazing. The song I heard was the most serene arrangement, with a smidge of Celtic influence (mainly the presence of a delicate Irish penny whistle quietly in part of the refrain) of a Dolly Parton song I'd ever heard, or could even imagine! What a remedy it might be for someone searching for sleep.

It's only fitting that as I write, it's 3:40 a.m. and will try to embed a video of the group "Conspirare" singing "Light of a Clear Blue Morning". You may have to click on it a few times to get it to play but be patient. It really is worth it. Drink it in. And if you're a member of the Insomniac Club, I hope it may help to lull you to that magic place where sleep begins.

"Light of a Clear Blue Morning" by Conspirare from KLRU / Conspirare on Vimeo.

And Now for a Little Levity

2009-06-02T14:34:00.007-04:00

Billy Connolly was first introduced to this country on an HBO special presented by Whoopi Goldberg in 1990 (?). It was the funniest hour of so I have ever spent in my life. The name of the special was "Pale Blue Scotsman" and I thought, "Well, this should be interesting". But pretty soon, I was laughing so hard that my face hurt. I was wet from the tears running down my cheeks and when he got to this part, the part from YouTube which I've included below, the part about what proper planes should be like, I had fully slid off from the sofa and was on the floor. I laughed until my sides ached.

First, though, you may need to suspend your thoughts about a certain word or two which many in the British Isles from the, with all due respect, the less educated working class use almost like punctuation. It's not terribly unlike many people in this country, actually. Think of it as similar to what it's like when you watch a Shakespearean play. For the first while, you notice every archaic old English word which seems to stand out from the theme of the actual story. Then, suddenly, it's as if those words are not there and you can completely enjoy and understand the rest of the production.

This is my way of warning any unsuspecting people that while being hysterically funny, Billy Connolly uses the "f" word a lot. BUT it does not get in the way of the utter hilarity of the story he is telling. I used to have this comedy special on VHS tape and whenever I was terribly blue, utterly sad and nothing else would cheer me up, I knew if I put this tape in the VCR, pretty soon I'd once again be on the floor, utterly dissolved in laughter.

The following segment is only one section of the special, but I'm glad that I was able to locate it and I think it's among the funniest parts of the entire video. Billy Connolly has gone on to become a well seasoned comedian (having previously been well known throughout Europe before coming to the States) and is also a respected serious actor as well.

For those of you needing a good laugh, sit down in a secure place. Make sure your coffee table isn't too close to the sofa so you will avoid injury should you also find yourself falling or sliding to the floor. If anyone is shocked that I enjoy this segment, please realize three things: 1. he does not take the Lord's name in vain (that would get in the way of it being funny for me), 2. I am a real person, and rarely can you get through a day or most movies without hearing this word at least once. 3. It's not part of my speech, and I'm not advocating that people use this word, but this does not prevent me from seeing and enjoying this man as the cultural, hilarious phenomenon that he is. I hope you will enjoy it, too. If the idea this has the "f" word peppered lightly through this is offensive to you, why not take this moment to navigate away from this page and turn to something else which will bring you a big laugh. Everyone should laugh SEVERAL times a day. As adults this happens altogether too seldom but we need it, actually, for our very health. So, if not this video, find something funny and laugh a LOT. Whatever it is, enjoy! Come back to this blog soon, as there'll be something else posted here. It won't be more Billy Connolly as this is the funniest thing from him that I know.

Exquisite Prayer from “Les Miserables”

2009-06-02T12:30:00.005-04:00

Just for a different, quieter but such an ardent few minutes, this is among my most favorite pieces from the musical "Les Miserables". While Colm Wilkinson has been considered the consummate performer in the role of Jean ValJean for the last several years of the run of this incredibly inventively staged musical, still, my favorite was the original Mandy Pantinkin in this part. I could not find a video but if you ever have the chance to hear it…do! The clarity, the absolute crystalline perfection in the pitch is only rivaled by the astonishing breath support and control. You find yourself just hanging on, lifting yourself out of your chair with the impossibility of how long Mandy Patinkin holds the final note. It is as if he could keep that final note going long enough, it would travel the entire way from here to heaven and truly, in the words of our Jewish brothers and sisters, be literally from "our lips to God's ears".

But Colm Wilkinson is marvelous, too. This is something which will resonate not only with every parent, but everyone praying for someone they love.

Enjoy!

Summertime Island Music Memories

2009-06-02T11:31:00.009-04:00

This soft June air today, a certain *something* on the breeze, and the brilliant blue sky brings my mind back to some wonderful summers I spent years ago on an Island off the coast of Maine, out of Southwest Harbor (off from Mt. Dessert Island). Idyllic times when the ocean mixed with the seagulls, lobster boat sounds, sun and sky, and LOTS of music with a revolving door including professional musical guests who stayed in the house with us. Oh the spontaneous evening singing and playing. Seems like everyone knew all the words and the harmonies to classic songs, the guitar and other instrumental music was fabulous and these were the kinds of nights you just didn't want to end. After dinner, sitting in this huge living room in an amazingly vast house built in the time before there was an income tax. An immense, comfortable house with many bathrooms which had marble sinks and claw footed tubs, but we had no electricity! It originally had gas lights, and so our stove, fridge, hot water heater(s), and freezer were all powered by gas. There could be 22 people staying at this house (it was fun cooking for all these folks), eat at the same table altogether for dinner, and not have to run into one another throughout the day unless we wanted to. Simply amazing. This kind of house could not be replicated today. Many bedrooms had fire places. One wing was what used to be "the servant's quarters" and laundry in years gone by. Yes. It was that kind of grand house.
After long days spent in such joyful pursuits as sailing or other boating on the ocean, even courageous rowing of a dory around the island, the nights were especially sweet as we were filled with salt air and recharged by all that sun…and great food with of course much after-dinner coffee. The music was acoustic and we sang and played by those terrific (but tricky) kerosene Alladin lights which were actually not only table lamps, but also elegant floor lamps!
As I'm writing I'm listening to lots of different songs to find a few which represent the luscious rich sounds which filled the air long into the night. We had famous classical musicians there as well and that music was especially elegant. But today, my thoughts are traveling back to more of the music of other genres.
Though Crosby, Stills, Nash or Young never came to stay with us (actually, that's a good thing...we didn't really need the kind of issues or substance abuse baggage they might have brought with them), lots of their music rang through the house…but I must say it thankfully didn't have the nasal quality some of their performances do.
I could not find performances of "Suite for Judy Blue Eyes" which astoundingly enough, we all seemed to know straight through from beginning to end, but here's one which, although so beautifully situated high in the Northern Hemisphere that on cold August nights we saw the miracles of the astonishingly colored curtains of the phenomenon of the "Northern Lights", still this song resounds with the feeling of this place. Plus it was one we enjoyed singing all the harmonies and solos to. "Teach Your Children", "Train to Marrakesh", "Helplessly hoping" and a few more were lots of fun to sing together, too. And who knows. Perhaps I may find acceptable videos of these pieces for another post.

But for now, here's a YouTube performance (not the best, but the best I could find) of Crosby, Stills and Nash and "The Southern Cross"

End of another (small) Era

2009-06-01T11:50:00.005-04:00

Well, it had to happen sometime. Though we were not ardent fans of the Jay Leno "Tonight" Show, it was always nice to have it to turn to on a quiet weekday night if some late night chuckles were needed and a peek in at some current music. I cannot believe it has been 17 years since he took over that show from Johnny Carson! Anyway, last Friday night was the end of the Jay Leno "Tonight Show" era on NBC from 11:35 – 12:35. It will be interesting to see what happens come September and his new show debuts at 10:00 p.m. Will we watch and then go to bed early? What about the competing 10:00 shows on other networks? The CSI's etc. and those shows we seem to find ourselves letting down to at the end of a long day? I guess as in many things, time will tell.

On the other hand, tonight is when Conan O'Brian begins where Jay left off. Hm……we've never been "Conan" people. Couldn't really get into him. Couldn't see what all the hype was about. And we didn't fit in with the Dave Letterman show either. Now when the Leno show was still on, if I was having trouble sleeping, afterwards I could change channels and really get into the Craig Ferguson show! Still do. I like this Scotsman who's become an American citizen this past year.

To commemorate the ending of Jay Leno, I was glad to find a live James Taylor performance of "Sweet Baby James" (though it's not my favorite JT song) as he moved his touring schedule around to be able to appear on Leno's last show. This video is from the DVD of his "One Man Band" concert and begins with him explaining how the song came to be.

I hope you enjoy it!

For Susie and Hamada

2009-05-29T11:52:00.005-04:00

How wonderful it is to find new friends across the world but all of us connected via this marvelous technology! In actuality, the technology is just a tool to putting faces, words and thoughts and more to spirits who are already connected as all of us are in the spiritual realm. But with the amazingness of Blogs and email, Facebook and Twitter we can share things in the immediacy of the moment. Who would have thought it possible to pass on to one another in such a vibrant way things which can deeply enrich our lives, lift our spirits, share laughter and good wishes, and encourage our hearts?

This post includes a song/video from YouTube called "Whisper of Angels" performed by The Opera Band from their "Amici" CD. What wonderful voices blended together impeccably with silken steel to strengthen and soothe at the same time. If the song sounds/feels familiar to you, it is taken from a piece by Faure ("Pavane") but given words by Canadian song writer Amy Sky who also added a chorus/refrain which beautifully compliments Faure's original melody of the verses.

While I hope everyone who happens upon this post will be blessed by this music and beautiful images, it's put together and uploaded especially for Susie and Hamada with love and prayers for their upcoming special day…for all the days ahead as well.

Drink deeply, my friends, and may your spirits be refreshed, empowered and renewed.

Sometimes You just gotta have a little Gospel Music

2009-05-22T03:35:00.006-04:00

You know what I mean? Sometimes you just gotta have it, have to have it, your spirit is thirsty for it --- some good gospel music. One of my favorite gospel choirs is the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. They started as a group of 9 singers and the founding director, a blonde lady named Carol Cymbala is still the director. They are just amazing. Not professional singers but SO disciplined in their rehearsals. And filled with joy that's just plain contagious! In a choir (as in most things in life) discipline = freedom. Discipline gives you the foundation from which you can then take off and soar. I looked on YouTube for a performance of theirs of a different song (I have several "favorite" songs done by this group) and the performance I found of "This is How it Feels to be Free" was filmed from a gospel concert they gave at the Angola State Penitentiary in Louisiana. Talk about some dynamic meanings….true freedom which can be found in a prison like that. It's too late in the night (or early in the morning…whichever way you look at it) for me to go on about how totally Biblical this concept is, about the Apostle Paul, for example, and the freedom he found despite being in prison, how many of his most encouraging, inspiring Epistles (letters to churches) were written either from prison or from living in an enforced house arrest situation.

But friends, from time to time, we're all in our own prisons, many of which are formed by our own hands. Or we allow our spirits to be "imprisoned" by the actions, words and attitudes of others. We need a boost, a reminder. We need to reclaim our joy, no matter the circumstances, and our inner freedom. So, sit back, turn up the volume on your speakers and drink it in. Enjoy!

“Do the Next Right Thing…”

2009-05-19T16:56:00.004-04:00

"At the turn from our bedroom into the hallway, there is an old full-length mirror in a wooden frame. I can't help but catch a glimpse of myself as I pass. Turning fully toward the glass, I consider what I see. This reflected version of myself, wet, shaking, rumpled, pinched, and slightly stooped, would be alarming if not for the self-satisfied expression pasted across my face. I would ask the obvious question, 'What are you smiling about?' but I already know the answer: It just gets better from here." --- from Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox.

Did you happen to watch the television special on "Optimism" hosted by and featuring Michael J. Fox? It was really quite amazing. Here is a man who has had Parkinson's Disease for the past 19 years and fully exhibits all its life-limiting and altering symptoms despite medication, yet by his own definition and obvious outward fruit he is an "incurable optimist". He fully participates in life and continues to learn from and teach others about the deep happiness which can be found from living with the kind of optimism which brings him peace and joy. Regardless of his limitations, this man's value is immeasurable. And his joy is utterly contagious!

The TV program documented visits to people of all ages throughout our country and the world, interviewing them about what makes them happy, and the importance of happiness to them. Most significant was his visit among the people of Bhutan, a small country the size of Switzerland in South Asia in the Himalayan Mountains, bordered by India and China. In addition to and more significant than their GNP (Gross National Product) is their GNH (Gross National Happiness). Really! They have a "Minister of Happiness" in charge of measuring this and working to expand and guard it. These are not financially wealthy people at all, but will lovingly give deeply to everyone from the generosity of their heart. Gross National Happiness is the "guiding philosophy of Bhutan's development process" in their country. They believe happiness is vital and firmly dependent upon good relationships and strong connections with family, friends and faith community. While not a "Christian" nation, this sure sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Being part of the global community, connected and interacting with the outside world, they know "one way or another, change is coming," King Wangchuck told correspondent Barbara Crossette. "Being a small country, we do not have economic power. We do not have military muscle. We cannot play a dominant international role, because of our small size and population and because we are a landlocked country. The only factor we can fall back on . . . which can strengthen Bhutan's sovereignty and our different identity is the unique culture we have." And that is their culture of happiness. Not a "la la la, zippity-do-dah" superficial frivolity happy thing, but a deeper genuine joy and contentment in life, despite all its travails. But do not underestimate the power of happiness! Tourism to Bhutan has grown tremendously as more people long to bask in this kind of love in action, people living out what they believe and sharing themselves and their joyful hospitality with everyone they meet.

This is more than ironic, isn't it? People don't NEED to go half-way around the world to enjoy the comfort, love, hope and happiness of being connected and involved with a family and faith community…specifically OUR church family and faith community. Somehow more people are learning about what can be found in Bhutan, and more people need to know what can also be found inside the doors of the United Church of Penacook.

Once again we find ourselves on the doorstep of summer with its endless possibilities stretching before us. It's not only a time of refreshment, but I always think of it as a time to learn something new, to develop something better about myself and stretch to grow more spiritually deep. This year I've bought a copy of a book I've always meant to read and study but never have. This is my summer to start My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It's a devotional book with real meat and potatoes readings for each day of the year which has been revered by Christians as a tool for growth since its first publication in 1935. Let's see what the reading for today's date is. Oh my…it's titled "Out of the Wreck I Rise" taking from the text of Romans 8:35 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?" For those of you who own this book, it's for the date of May 19. It's very relevant to what I've been writing about here. These are the last lines of the reading: "Either Jesus Christ is a deceiver and Paul is deluded, or some extraordinary thing happens to a man who holds on to the love of God when the odds are against God's character. Logic is silenced in the face of every one of these things. Only one thing can account for it --- the love of God in Christ. 'Out of the wreck I rise' every time." Wow.

Now comes the question of how do we move forward, upward and outward in the love of Christ in the character of God to live in the peace, love and joy He has for us? And to become contagious Christians in sharing this with everyone we meet? This is one good answer: "Do the next right thing." Here it's well put by author Anne Lamott:
I TOOK A LONG, DEEP BREATH AND WONDERED AS USUAL, WHERE TO START. YOU START WHERE YOU ARE, IS THE SECRET OF LIFE. YOU DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING YOU CAN SEE. THEN THE NEXT."
Amen!

This is Where I Am Right Now

2009-05-18T19:20:00.008-04:00

Friends, thanks to the kindness of a friend (thank you Walt --- you are a GEM!), I now know how to imbed a YouTube performance in a blog post! WOW this is huge stuff for me :-) This is a wonderful performance of an extraordinary song. Please take a few minutes for yourself, turn up your speakers and click on the video link, sit back watch and listen. Not just because of the title of this post, but because…well watch,listen and see. The song is sung by Charice and is called "If I Wrote a Note to God". In this clip, the lyrics appear on the screen as well. You may have seen this performed on Oprah Winfrey's show. She is very young, from an impoverished background and already has been on an astonishing journey. She is simply amazing.

A Story which Should Not Have Happened, but Thankfully Had a Good Ending

2009-05-12T16:37:00.004-04:00

As this is a true story, I'll be changing the names of the people involved and not mentioning the name of the hospital.

When Carol was a toddler, born to a neighbor nearby, we knew something wasn't *right* with her. Couldn't put my finger on it and these are the times when I try to turn off my counselor/medical brain and try NOT to diagnose people. But still. It wasn't autism, asperger syndrome, cerebral palsy….but something. Carol was a happy child, eager to interact and smiled up at you with huge brown eyes. But when she walked or ran, her gait was odd and her hands tended to flap. I kept hoping the doctors her mother, Justine, took her to would figure it out and that as she grew, she'd be fine. This was my hope, it was my prayer, but it was not to be.

As time passed Carol developed seemingly normally and was a very creative, happy child. But still there was…something. She was imaginative and enjoyed engaging with me for tea parties, reading from her books, and playing with her dolls. She was not developmentally disabled, made friends easily, and enjoyed school. One Christmas she was so fascinated with our nativity set that I loaned it to her family so she could enjoy it through the season. She liked making up stories about Mary and Joseph, the Kings and shepherds and moving the characters around near Jesus in the manger.

When Carol was about 8 she began having petit mal seizures which were generally preceded by her saying she saw characters from her story books. Immediately before a seizure she'd usually say, "I see Pinnocchio….." and then it began. As these were petit mal seizures, they did not include more than her standing still, seeming to stare off in the distance and lose touch with her surroundings for a few moments. Sometimes there was also a bit of the hand flapping. Her mother Justine added a pediatric neurologist to Carol's list of doctors. After batteries of tests and a regimen of medications, Carol's seizures were controlled for quite a while. She went to school, made friends, played imaginatively, loved to learn new things and was a happy little girl. Still….there was something I could not put my finger on. When she ran, her gait was strange with her legs overly wide apart and she swayed from side to side. From time to time, the hand flapping also accompanied the running or would happen when she was happily excited about something. I wasn't asked for an opinion, and I knew she was under the care of at least 3 physicians, so I didn't comment. I mean, it was all pretty obvious. What was I going to say…do you notice the odd gait and flapping movements? Have you brought these to the attention of the physicians, particularly the neurologist? Justine and her husband Steve were well educated people with much concern for Carol. I wasn't going to sound like a jerk and bring up this stuff without it being mentioned first by them. Personally, I had concerns that she should have been seen by a pediatric neurologist who sees more complex cases like this on a regular basis (like at Boston Children's) but I didn't feel it was for me to say.

Time passed and Carol's seizures were no longer being well controlled by her medications. Different meds were tried with varying results, but still the seizures not only continued, but they worsened. There was no predicting them and they grew more severe. From petit mal seizures, they became a more worrisome kind referred to as status seizures. More trips to the pediatric neurologist, more meds. More prayers from me.

Suddenly in the middle of the night our phone rang and it was Justine calling me in a panic. She'd already called the hospital. "Come quick! Carol's having continuous seizures and I don't know what to do!" I set a record for throwing on a sweater and jeans, grabbed purse and car keys and with my car running at her house, yelled for Justine who was holding Carol, to get in. We were going to a hospital in a nearby city, it was 3:15 AM with zero traffic, and this was much faster than waiting for the ambulance service in our area. It was a straight shot. I knew I could get us there in a flash. Carol continued to seize off and on and in minutes we were at the Emergency Room entrance, just as Carol went into respiratory arrest.

I parked the car while Justine raced Carol into the ER where they were ready for her. She was there for a while being stabilized. I got to sit down and be thankful. Although it wasn't a holiday or a weekend, the hospital was busy, and the pediatric ICU where Carol was soon admitted was understaffed for the number of patients they were caring for. I accompanied Justine and the staff with Carol in the elevator as we went up to pediatric ICU. Carol's seizures were still not under control. I asked, "Has her pediatric neurologist seen her yet?" No "Has she been called?" Yes "When is she anticipated?" Anytime now (said with irritation by the staff member on one end of the gurney).

Soon Carol was settled into a *room* in pediatric ICU and Justine and the two staff (I was unclear if either were nurses) were on their way out, leaving me there alone with Carol who was still having seizure after seizure. "WAIT!!!!" I said. "Who's going to be caring for Carol?" I sort of barked. The two staff looked at one another, we all looked at the two ICU nurses who were flying around from crisis to crisis in the beds around us, and then their eyes settled on me. "Justine said you used to be a paramedic. That true? You drive like one". I said yes…..but my license has been expired for a long time. They inquired, "You still know how to suction a patient and take vitals, though, don't you?" I couldn't believe what was happening. I'm this woman in jeans and a sweater, they've seen no ID, no credentials, I could be Jaqueline the Ripper for all they knew….did they know how to spell "l-i-a-b-i-l-i-t-y"? And mom (Justine)? She said "I need to go have a cigarette. I'll be outside".

I said certainly, I know how to suction a patient but I'll be expecting one of those nurses in here every few minutes and…PLEASE call the neurologist and tell them Dr. Brook says this is an EMERGENCY and she needs to be here NOW. Carol was having status seizures and those are very dangerous and can cause brain damage.

All night long, I comforted and cared for Carol and every few minutes she'd seize and I'd suction. But I wasn't recording any vitals. Nah-uh. If the nurses weren't in there in a timely fashion, I'd call them and one would come in and take care of those details. I was committed to doing my absolute best for this little girl, but I wasn't putting my name on anything. This was just too surreal and bizarre.

And Justine? Never saw her again all night long. Apparently she had lots of cigarettes to smoke outside. I do know this is REALLY hard on parents, but come ON. She never even came up once to check on her daughter. And the pediatric neurologist? Shortly after 8:00 AM she rolled in. I could not freakin' believe it. I gave her an overview of how the night had progressed while she read the chart and then I left. I called a nearby friend and she came and gave me a ride home. I had nothing to say to Justine beyond the fact her doctor was with her daughter now, receive her "thanks" and say goodbye. A story which should not have happened, but thankfully had a good ending.

NOW what do we do???

2009-04-25T00:24:00.003-04:00

You won't believe this. A friend introduced me to "Facebook" as an online way to connect with friends and re-connect with people you haven't seen in years. It's been kind of fun! The other evening, I did a search for people from a high school where I'd very much enjoyed the students in my chorus. Presto – there was the name of a girl who'd been a rather brilliant accompanist for me. Anything I put before her, she could play. Angie got so she could almost read my mind during warm-ups. We made a wonderful team, and here she was on Facebook! I sent her a quick note with a friend invitation and was a bit stunned by her reply. Clearly she had been shocked as her response read, "I don't want to seem rude, but is this a joke? I had been told that you had…passed away some years ago." WOW. How often do you get a note like that? Quickly I wrote back to let Angie know that I am fine and dandy and was sorry to stun her. She was so apologetic because especially at a class reunion she had shared with others this news she'd heard about me and she wanted to find a way to rectify the situation. Soon she'd posted this note on Facebook about me: "…just wanted to let you know the story that Karen Brook Westhaver had passed away is totally false! She is very alive and well and also here on Facebook…". Soon emails and Facebook friend invitations from other former chorus students began pouring in and I was inundated with lovely notes and fond memories and stories from our time together in chorus. In a way, it was kind of like my own personal little Easter! True, thankfully no crucifixion had been involved, but after lots of people had thought I'd died and existed only in their memory, suddenly here I am alive in their present!

Are you a bit in the doldrums after Lent is over and Easter is past? Although Easter is officially 50 days long until we get to the celebration of Pentecost, still…it sure feels "in between". If we have that "what do we do now?" kind of feeling, can you imagine how the disciples must have felt right at this time? Think about it. Jesus had been crucified, they'd learned about His resurrection but…what now? What were they to do now?

If we are honest about it, this is pretty much where we live a lot of the time. What are we supposed to do now? Does what we do have any meaning, purpose or benefit? How can God use us? And, with our very human times of doubting, does He even WANT us? What are we good for, anyway? Isn't it much better all the way around if we just sleep in on Sundays, keep our eyes on our work and entertainment the rest of the time, and forget about finding ways to participate in church, let alone sharing with others the benefit of belonging to a church family? Ah, my friends, this is where I get to share with you one of my favorite stories in the Bible.

In John 20: 19-29 We learn that the disciples had been gathered behind locked doors (in fear). "Jesus came in and stood among them. He said, "May peace be with you!" ²⁰ Then he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples were very happy when they saw the Lord. ²¹ Again Jesus said, "May peace be with you! The Father has sent me. So now I am sending you. [emphasis mine]" ²² He then breathed on them. He said, "Receive the Holy Spirit." Can you even begin to imagine their relief at having actually seen Jesus in such a personal way? But did you also notice that Jesus had a purpose larger than to reassure them: He came to commission them, to "send them out". It was now time for them to do the work of spreading the gospel and growing the church. Them. The *regular* people in their own way, empowered by the Holy Spirit, yes, but now they were to do the sharing without being in the background while Jesus taught. But the story gets even better. Here's where it REALLY relates to you and me and where we so often are.

In the encounter above, the disciple Thomas was not with the group. The following week, though, he was there when Jesus next came to be with them. Again, everyone was gathered with the door locked but still Jesus entered, passing through the door. He said, "May peace be with you!" ²⁷ Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here. See my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe. ²⁸ Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" ²⁹ Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen me but still have believed."

Although Thomas had been told by the disciples of Jesus' earlier visit with them, still he was unconvinced. And Jesus' response to him? No lecturing, no punishing, no turning away, but He gave Thomas the most intimate invitation of all. BECAUSE of Thomas' doubt, Jesus invited him to put his hand into His side and the nail marks in His hands. So, friends, here's the deal. Jesus gives us ALL the same invitation. He yearns for us to become so close to Him that we become part of His body. And, being equipped with the Holy Spirit, our part of the bargain is the same as the disciples: we are now sent out. Throughout the Bible, the meekest, the weakest, the youngest and the oldest were among those who made the biggest difference in the growth and nurture of the church. Think of Abraham and Sarah who at 90+ became the parents of all the tribes of Israel. Considering of all this, who are any of us NOT to step up and step out? NOW what do we do? We roll up our sleeves, step out and in doing so, we receive the greatest blessing of all. Happy Easter-living all year long!

It’s just my opinion, and I could be wrong, but Word 2007 is DIABOLICAL – a rant

2009-04-23T02:48:00.002-04:00

Not that I was crazy about it, but I could make Word 2003 work for me. But THIS! Whoever invented Word 2007 must truly be sadistic. Unbelievable!

So, can I just get it out of the way and say how much I HATE Word 2007??? GRRRRR!!!!!!!! WHY oh WHY did they have to make it so darned illogically different from Word 2003?????

Whatever ever happened to "auto save" when you messed up and stupidly forgot to save a document even though you were only a third done????? Whatever happened to that delightful function when you opened a new document it would show you the last one you were working on as another "fail safe" if you'd *lost* it????? Okay, okay. I finally figured out how to practically do an archeological dig to locate the auto-save function and how to adjust it. And did so. But, it happened, AGAIN!!!

GONE. My carefully crafted document with lists of music and composers which I've been plugging away at, my list of ALL the music (more than 29 pieces) I played on Good Friday which was recorded by some hoop-di-doo (I shouldn't joke....I'm extremely flattered they sent this very gifted, talented sound engineer who knows how to professionally and gorgeously do microphone placement especially for Steinways --- I'm just VERY frustrated, if you couldn't already tell) to record this whole event for later play-back(s) on WKXL. See, I hadn't made an actual list of all this music. For smoothness in turning to each piece seamlessly and as quietly as possible, I'd just chosen my order and numbered/placed a bunch of post-it notes throughout my whole stack of music.

Jack (at WKXL, the guy who'll be doing the playback for his programs.....will likely do this more than once....heck, it's almost 3 hours of music so who knows how many programs it will turn out to be) wanted me to make a list for him all of all the pieces/composers so he could announce them all. I never thought he'd do that. Yikes. So, already, LOTS of pressure long before this word processing program began to torture me. I practiced my brains out for this. Somebody should have just shot me…it's been years since I've played at a sustained concert level like this, and then never this long! See, it wasn't an ego thing. I just thought it would be great free publicity for our church as well as some nice music for the listeners.

AAAACK!!! Can you believe it? It happened yet again! I'd set the "auto-save" function to do its thing every 5 minutes, but I must type way faster than I thought. Zappo. Somehow it all vanished again but I could only locate 1/3 of it! Back I went and re-adjusted this to auto-save my document literally once every minute, in addition to constantly "saving" it manually myself.

Well, the third time must have been, as they say, "the charm", either that or God mercifully took pity on my frazzled brain and intervened. FINALLY the list is intact. I wasn't taking any chances. Not only did I copy/paste it into the body of an email, but I also sent it as an attachment as well. Now we'll see what happened to it when it hit cyberspace!

Rant rant rant. I try to persuade myself that learning new things is a good thing. But deep down I ask myself, just why do they have to go and change something just for the sake of making something *new*????? In this case, in my opinion, "new" is most definitely NOT better. Grrrrrr.

The Most Dangerous Chocolate Cake in the World

2009-04-23T02:00:00.002-04:00

My friend Mary sent me this recipe and boy am I glad we're beyond Lent! What am I kidding, in my la-la land of denial. It is SO no "lo-carb", I'm quite positive that just reading this recipe caused some hip swellage! But, as it sounds quite extraordinary and who knows…it could save somebody's terrible chocolate craving, I simply must share! You won't believe how easy it is! You make it in a mug in your microwave! Who'd a thought?? Just consider (or rationalize) about making it as something to share as a special treat with someone else. It'll make you feel less guilty, and who knows – perhaps even a little virtuous! Only like 5 minutes to whip up!

Here goes:

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..

Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!

Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Small Things Make me Happy

2009-03-23T00:59:00.004-04:00

Test post --- still trying for paragraphs! Wouldn't that be nice J A small thing to some, but to me, it would be a small chunk of happiness. Perfect, this, in there'd be no calories, fats or other badness…just paragraphs and the ability to actually edit a post so it would look like I want it to. Be more readable, too! That'd be another huge plus.

Here goes a paragraph. Let's see it if will publish this way, being a paragraph, that is. You're likely wondering at the significance of the picture with this post. It's a shot from a very cool screensaver I have…perhaps you've seen it somewhere, too. It's an amazingly realistic looking pocket watch submerged with a few coins beneath the surface of a stream. Interestingly enough, the watch always displays the accurate time and date. Periodically a leaf will languidly float by, then another one. Very peaceful. There is sound with this, too, if you'd like. A swirly, swishy attempt at a happy brook type sound. I prefer to run with the sound generally off, or just low enough that I'll hear it when an email clicks into my inbox.

Time to publish this "test" to see how it turns out on the

Notes on followup: Well, Houston, we've got paragraphs!!! No picture --- at all --- after two different kinds of attempts, but definitely paragraphs!!! Good for a start.

Now I've got to finish up and hit the hay. LONG day and tomorrow begins a busy week. But way cool...now I can write posts with paragraphs! See what I mean? Small things make me happy :-) Of course to the reader, also, anything which makes reading/and comprehension easier is a good thing. Who'd a-thought I could do it with Windows! Sadly, the scribe fire thing didn't work for me. But...Yay! Now, I'm off to try to sleep.... But wait. Had to give it one more last try. Picture! We got the picture, too! Great way to wind this up and provide a nice foundation of success to lay my head down upon...for that sleep thing which too often eludes me.
blog!

What do you do? STAND

2009-03-20T18:17:00.006-04:00

Has Lent seemed extra long to you? It has to me. Today is the first day of Spring and the sunlight is encouraging, but it’s still nowhere near Easter yet…but it will be! It’s no small thing that our Hebrew brothers and sisters celebrate every year a “Day of Atonement” (think: at-ONE-ment) in the fall when their New Year begins. This is a time to go to people who have hurt you and forgive them, at the same time going to others whom you have hurt and asking their forgiveness. A time to make things *right*, for reconciliation and restoration. I wonder if they have the same caveat about this, though, that many twelve step programs do wherein you “make amends” only when doing so would not bring harm or hurt to the other person. You know that in some circumstances just opening the door for discussion about past unresolved situations or misunderstandings would bring renewed hurt or pain for some people. Therefore in those circumstances, you must refrain. It’s hard. That’s why I’m glad Easter’s coming for all of us.

What do you do in a situation where there’s been hurt and misunderstanding and you’ve done everything you can to make things right but nothing seems to work? How do you move from that spot knowing the other person is stuck thinking something which just isn’t the way it is, or even the way it happened? Even when you know the other person may be reeling from circumstances or past events and is dealing with a kind of pain that seems to have morphed your circumstances into an entirely different “movie” than the one you’re seeing, it doesn’t make it any easier because you can’t do anything about it. And that’s the hardest part, isn’t it? There is such helplessness in knowing there’s been misunderstanding or miscommunication, that the other person feels badly and is carrying hurt and anger which is based on all that. You’ve done everything you could to explain, share heartfelt concern but perhaps to no avail. Now you’re stuck. To do or say more could well make things worse. Hard…hard as the nails on Good Friday.

There’s a song I really like by Donnie McClurkin which so well describes this dilemma, called “Stand”. Here are selected excerpts and the chorus from that song:

“Tell me what do you do when you’ve done all you can, and it seems like it’s never enough? … Tell me what can you give when you’ve given your all, and it seems like you can’t make it through? And how can you smile when your heart has been broken and filled with pain? “ And here’s God’s answer, in the chorus of that same song: “Well you just stand when there’s nothing left to do; You just stand, watch the Lord see you through. Yes, after you’ve done all you can, you just stand.”

Where do we stand? On the Word of God where in so many places He encourages us that He will take care of us in stormy circumstances, when we’ve done all we can. In one translation of Psalm 14, verse 14 says, “Wait for the Lord; take heart and stand firm, wait for the Lord.”

All of us have places in our past, tricky sore spots in our hearts we avoid because of hurt and there’s nothing we can do about them on our own. While every day, every hour, every moment that we breathe we have the opportunity of applying God’s grace as a soothing balm to these aching places, if that hasn’t helped before, think about doing this powerful thing. As we approach the final days of Lent, moving toward Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, prayerfully and gently consider the things of pain hidden in your heart, the people and the misunderstandings. If there is anyone you haven’t made amends to yet and could do so without bringing pain to them, seek Jesus’ help in doing so. Perhaps in a lovingly written letter which could be read privately.

In those circumstances where approaching the person is not an option (due to bringing angst to them), set aside some quiet time and with prayer, write those people’s name(s) and a key word or two on a piece of paper. Lovingly place the paper in your Bible, perhaps at a passage such as Psalm 14 or at any of these scriptures which will also help to strengthen and encourage you in this work: Eph 6:10-11, Nahum 1:7, Is 41:10, 2Timothy 4:18, Eph 3:16-21, Is 40:31, 2Cor 2:14, 2 Cor 12:9, Ps 138:3, Ps 71:1-5,16, Ps 31:1-3, Ps 46:1-3, Ps 27:14, Ps 61:2-4, 2 Tim 1:7-9, Heb 12:1-4, and Heb 13:5b,6.

Remember that in the scriptures which speak of “evildoers” etc. in these passages, this doesn’t mean the people in our circumstances are necessarily evil. The evil one takes delight in our being shackled by unresolved heartache or anything else which gets in the way of freedom in Christ. In this case, it’s the long fermenting situations which are the badness referred to in the scripture references.

On Maundy Thursday when we pick up our nails at the beginning of the service and then bring them to put in the basket at the foot of the cross, if you choose to bring the paper with the names to place at the cross, too, I promise you no one will read what’s there except Christ who already knows what’s written in your hearts. At our counseling agency we had a similar practice. When people brought things like this to be placed in God’s hands in exchange for inner freedom and peace, we prayerfully burned those things unread, trusting the people who brought them in faith to be released by the love of Jesus.

Hard. Hard as the nails on Good Friday, and that’s exactly the place where these pains belong. Stand and release them, friends, and be freed by the same power which raised our Lord Jesus on Resurrection Sunday. Christ is Risen, Alleluia! He is risen indeed, Alleluia!

Looking Forward...Rejoice!

2009-03-06T12:50:00.011-05:00

While this Sunday is only the second Sunday in Lent, I find myself looking *foward* and thinking about Lent's fourth Sunday which is historically known as "Laetare Sunday" with the Latin word Laetare meaning "Rejoice". Rejoicing in Lent? Seem like a contradiction? Aren't we supposed to save the rejoicing and celebrating until Easter? Ahhhh.....not so! While some churches who use "alleluia" as part of their regular Sunday liturgical content but elect to omit it throughout Lent, actually, EVERY Sunday in Lent and always is a time for rejoicing. Every Sunday, regardless of the church season, we remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. When you think about it, Lent is the key to the mother of all celebrations...without Lent there is no cause for "rejoicing", there is no Easter. There is no resurrection without a crucifixion. Right? Just as Advent, the *purple* season before Christmas is considered a small fast with the third Sunday being rose colored and called Gaudate Sunday (another word for "rejoice") where we're on the countdown to Christmas and thinking about Jesus' mother who'd be getting ready herself for the birth. Just as typically Gaudate Sunday in Advent the "fast" is lifted for a brief break, so also is the same true for Laetare Sunday in Lent. It's as though the combination of dark winter whose moanings and groanings for Spring echo those of our own hearts, combined with whichever fasts or tasks for spiritual growth we've taken on for Lent together make us feel like we'd REALLY like a break, along comes the British tradition of the Simnel Cake. Ever heard of it? Oh my goodness it's amazing. Do you like marzipan (almond paste) and dried, candied fruits? Read on! The custom of the Simnel cake comes from medievel England when the 4th Sunday of Lent, Laetare Sunday, was also called "Mothering Sunday" as on that day, servants who resided far from their families were given the day off to go back to their own homes and visit with their mothers. They were also able to make a cake of fine semolina flour (hence the shortened version of the word "Simnel") and fruits to bring with them and honor their mothers. The cake itself is rich in Lenten meaning, including the top being covered with 11 carefully rolled little balls of marzipan to represent the 11 disciples who remained faithful to Jesus (leaving out Judas who betrayed him). There are tons of other symbolic meanings to other parts of the cake, but I want to move on and leave room for the recipe for you! For those of you thinking "ick....sounds like just another fruit cake", oh ye of small belief! Oh no indeed. This is rich, wonderful, heavenly food. And, if there are fruits in the recipe you don't enjoy, well, just omit them! It's a very forgiving recipe --- which is fitting for Lent, don't you think? :-)While I have a whole book of Simnel cake recipes, I searched for one that's not too complex and with American measurements instead of things being weighed out in grams as in older English recipes (and other European ones as well). Below is a recipe for Simnel cake:

Simnel Cake

1 cup margarine, softened
1 cup light brown sugar
4 eggs
1 3/4 cups self-rising flour
1 1/3 cups golden raisins
1 cup dried currants
2/3 cup candied cherries, rinsed, dried and quartered
1/4 cup candied mixed fruit peel, chopped
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest
2 teaspoons mixed spice
1 pound almond paste
2 tablespoons apricot jam
1 egg, beaten

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Grease and flour an 8 inch springform pan. Line the bottom and sides of pan with greased parchment paper. In a large bowl, cream together the margarine and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time. Beat in the flour. Stir in the golden raisins, currants, candied cherries, mixed fruit, lemon zest and mixed spice. Pour 1/2 of batter into prepared pan.

Divide almond paste into 3 equal portions. Roll out 1/3 of the almond paste to an 8 inch circle. Place the circle of almond paste on the cake batter in pan. Cover with remaining cake batter. Bake in the preheated oven for 2 1/2 hours, or until evenly brown and firm to the touch. If the cake is browning too quickly, cover with foil after an hour of baking. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely. Set oven to broil. When the cake has cooled, brush the top with warmed apricot jam. Roll out 1/3 of the almond paste into an 8 inch circle and place on top of cake.

Divide the remaining 1/3 of almond paste into 11 pieces and roll into balls. These represent the 12 Apostles minus Judas. Brush the almond paste on top of cake with beaten egg. Arrange the 11 balls around the outside edge on the top of cake. Brush the balls lightly with egg. Place cake under the broiler for 8 to 10 minutes, or until almond paste is golden brown.

Making this cake is a fun activity to do together with children, or a peaceful one to do meditatively by yourself. Sometimes Simnel Cake is also referred to as Easter Cake for those who prefer to save this rich treat until Easter. For those of you who read through the recipe thinking, "something about this feels a little familiar" but have never heard of or had such a cake, just think about "Hot Cross Buns". Wonderful little mini-cakes filled with dried, candied fruit and marked with a cross of frosting (plain vanilla, not luscious almond marzipan, but yummy none-the-less). See the connection? The first Simnel cakes were yeast cakes like the kind of dough used in Hot Cross Buns. My husband and I look forward to enjoying a Hot Cross Bun treat for breakfast each Sunday through Lent, as a tiny break from our typical fasting from desserts and sweet treats.

Perhaps because we're looking at yet more wintery weather and it's a gray Currier and Ives day outside but my heart is yearning for spring to come, I've been remembering a beautiful setting of part of the Walt Whitman poem "When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloomed" by Robert Sanders. For the musically adept, this is quite different from the Paul Hindeminth much larger arrangement of the entire poem for chorus and orchestra. This is simple, elegant but profound setting for accapella chorus. I have looked all over the Internet for a recording but, alas, have found none except the Hindemith setting. While Walt Whitman wrote the poem in remembrance of the death of Abraham Lincoln, it's something which resonates with us all. Years ago I sang this with an amazing accapella group and it has always stayed with me, engraved on my heart. So, while I cannot share a link to a recording of the Sanders arrangement, below is the segment of the poem (the first section of the entire poem) by Walt Whitman. Think about it as you're making your Simnel cake and again while you're enjoying it...unless you make the supreme sacrifice of giving it to someone you love to honor them on "Mothering Sunday", Laetare Sunday, to help them rejoice in proper, amazing, delightful style.

When lilacs last in the dooryard bloom’d,
And the great star early droop’d in the western sky in the night,
I mourn’d, and yet shall mourn with ever-returning spring.
Ever-returning spring, trinity sure to me you bring,
Lilac blooming perennial and drooping star in the west,
And thought of him I love.

The words from which "Laetare Sunday" are derived are:

Rejoice, [Laetare] O Jerusalem: and come together all you that love her: rejoice with joy, you that have been in sorrow: that you may exult, and be filled from the breasts of your consolation. (Psalm) I rejoiced at the things that were said to me: we shall go into the house of the Lord.

Even if you elect to keep your fast without Sunday breaks, even on the 4th Sunday, don't postpone your rejoicing until Easter! Looking forward...."come Lord, Jesus, come". Alleluia!

Twitter...who'd a thought!

2009-03-03T01:00:00.003-05:00

I've heard about this for a little while and decided tonight I'd give this "Twitter" thing a look-see. www.Twitter.com is pretty cool. Lots of reasons. You're limited to 160 characters in a post which is good discipline for a writer. Short little "real world" commentary in stead of profound thoughts, insights or venting. A Twitter "post" is called a Tweet. Cute! "All the little birds go tweet tweet tweet..."
Despite all the conveniences meant to make life more simple and tasks easier to complete so we have more time for connection with friends as well as to engage in other pursuits, let me ask you. Have you found you have more time as a result of technology? Um...me neither. Don't get me wrong. I love gizmos and technology both fascinates me as well as fascilitates my getting things done which does make these things faster and more fun, too.

But connection with others. That's the tougher thing. Geography, pain, other issues like time and major busyness...things I'm doing, busyness of friends etc. are great limiters of maintaining the connections. For communication I'm grateful for email, voicemail, cell phone and land line and even my answering machine. But that spontanaeity thing is hard to capture, that sense of little quips one might share with friends without framing stuff in an entire email or a blog post. Love my cell phone and the odd, occasional text message but our wireless account isn't set up for lots of texting and it would be a huge expense to use my phone for Internet access (due to how we've set up our plan/contract). Also, not a whole lot of time for that with my cell phone, too. Use my computer mostly for this sort of communique.

So I checked out the Twitter thing, and now I'm on board. Cool concept, really. So, calling all friends....tweet tweet! And of course, it's SisterTroi - just as in my email address. SisterTroi "tweets" that you all have a good night's rest. Peace!

Living the "Fully Alive" Life

2009-01-29T18:29:00.002-05:00

Do you know what a 6-pack of Diet Coke looks like in the back seat of your car in -35 degree weather? That’d be 35 degrees BELOW zero. If you guessed that the cans would be imploded with hundreds of little Coke-colored icicles clinging to the ceiling of the car and other surfaces, you’ve either seen this similar phenomenon or are just a good guesser. Some years ago I’d been visiting friends in Vermont at their ski house and, sleeping soundly in a cozy featherbed with a down comforter, I had no idea the temperature had plunged that low. True, it had been negligent of me to leave the Diet Coke in the car in the winter time. But I had a long drive ahead of me in the morning and this beverage has always been something which helps me stay alert at the wheel if I’m driving for a few hours at a time.
It was quite a shock to step out into such frigidness early that Vermont January morning. My car wouldn’t even humor me by making any noise at all when I turned the key. Nope. I wasn’t going anywhere until the weather warmed a bit. At least I was able to pluck out all the frozen cola before it thawed, leaving no trace of my messy mistake.
In the past week or so, there have been several below zero mornings here. There is a particular rigid silence when it is that cold. Just looking out at the trees covered in snow and ice with nothing moving, seemingly all turned to stone in such frozenness, there’s no need to see a thermometer to know it’s below zero. Such stillness was surprisingly broken one morning when a bright streak of bird song loudly broke the silence. It was like a rebellion of sorts. How could anything, especially one lone little bird, draw such breath and produce a vibrantly loud jubilant song amidst these icebound surroundings? It was remarkable! As if to mock the utter stillness of this Arctic frozenness, the bird song continued for some minutes. I was amazed. What a contrast to all else which was totally, solidly paralyzed in the cold.
These few minutes at the window, listening to the lighthearted bird singing boldly in an Arctic-like landscape made me think of the book PJ and I are currently reading. The main focus in John Eldridge’s "Waking the Dead" is drawn from this quote: “The glory of God is man fully alive” (from St. Irenaeus, an early church writer, a manuscript from 185 AD). Think about it for a moment. In our hectic, task-driven world, how “alive” are we as a whole or, more personally, are you? Typically we rise, do our quick morning routine of grooming, dressing, and maybe a little breakfast before hitting the door with possibly a few words of prayer tangled in the middle of getting ready for the day. We are consumed by thoughts, barraged by images, requests, news, complaints, anxieties etc. Often our inner dialogue is composed mainly of self-criticisms about why we can’t get something done faster, better, why we’re not exercising, eating better, losing weight….you name it. Seldom is our mind and even more importantly, our heart, quiet enough to hear what God is trying to say to us. So, in other words, we are nowhere near living a “fully alive” life.
At first blush the quote above might seem a little, well, too lofty and high-minded a notion for Christian people who are supposed to live in humility, giving praise and glory to the Lord for everything attained/experienced in life. BUT, when you consider this quote from Jesus, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10), isn’t that a big part of God’s whole idea? And as we are created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26) and He is all glory, then wouldn’t it follow that to be “fully alive” is our best gift to God? The fulfilling of His intention for us?
Ok, so how do we approach this? It takes time, willingness, awareness, and practice. The benefits we reap in personal peace and joy are more than worth learning a new attitude and mode of living. Basically we need to first break all the agreements we’ve made (and continue to make) with the Evil one that we are bad. All those ideas suggested in our minds, those critical thoughts, those condemning remarks --- they are not from God. It is important to remember that the father of lies, the Evil one, seeks to disrupt anything that would bring us the fullness of life and happiness that life in Jesus promises. If you think about it, really it is mostly us agreeing with these critical thoughts which make up a tremendous part of our picture of ourselves and colors the emotions we experience every day.
I am NOT saying we do not make bad choices, select unhealthy options etc. Yes we do, and we reap the consequences of them also. However, this is separate and apart from how we view ourselves and then also see others as well. Those critical little judgmental thoughts that creep into your mind about someone….where do you think they come from? Who do you think they come from initially before we agree with them? Yup. Freedom comes from recognizing this and saying stop! Proverbs 23: 7 says that how we think is how we are: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”. If we’re thinking unkind, critical, judgmental toxic thoughts, they’re going to soon turn into how we’re feeling as well. As this may seem a bit daunting, here’s a quick filter through which to test things if you’re wondering if they’re the thoughts which get in the way of being “full alive”, living with peace and joy. It’s Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”.A-ha! Gottcha! If something happens to be true but it is NOT “lovely, admirable, praiseworthy” then it would follow that dwelling on it means taking on everything else that goes with it --- yucky thoughts produce yucky feelings. This Lent, why not take the opportunity to consciously renew your mind, become like the rebellious little songbird in the frozen winter and seek to be “fully alive” and reap the joy and goodness that Jesus came to bring us all. Amen!

Close to my heart

2009-01-17T19:35:00.004-05:00

Ok. I'll share something several have asked about over the years. "Are you a...some kind of....well, like...sort of... a monk-ess or something....???" is a question that every once and a while someone asks me. And I try to describe that, kind of, yes. Since November of 1986 I have been a member of the Fellowship of St. John, which is part of the *body*, but in a different format indeed, of the Society of St. John the Evangelist. www.ssje.org The picture above is of my "order cross" which I received when I was received into the Fellowship. I used to wear it very often, but I haven't in the past few years as I have not wanted it to be a distraction or confusion to others in my participation in ministry here at the United Church of Penacook. The message in this cross, though, is universally Christian, as inscribed around the center are the words of Jesus, "Dwell in me as I dwell in you".

The SSJE is the oldest religious order for Anglican men. HOWEVER the Fellowship of St. John includes BOTH men and women, clergy and lay people, married and single. At our profession of membership in the Fellowship, our vows are different, of course, than those of the men who become monks and live in the monastery. But we do strive to live by a "rule" of life which strengthens us, gives us accountability (though there are no SSJE "police" who check to see how well we're doing :-)and a sense of order in a life filled with busy-ness and many responsibilities to others. It provides a reminder and a means to keep some kind of balance among all the other things which constantly pull at us in the world. It is also an ongoing connection to a community that has long been an extended family to me.

Amid the wide (and sometimes drastic) veerings of the Episcopal church (the main expression of the Anglican Communion in the USA) I have been grateful that the SSJE has maintained a more "orthodox" Anglican view embracing traditional Biblical stances on things like marriage and, well, I'm sure you all read the news or can't escape it on TV. But they manage to do this always with love and graciousness. The warmth which envelopes you the moment you enter either the chapel for worship from the outside (all services of worship are open to the public), or the guest house for a retreat is both refreshing and instantly relaxing. Well, it's WAY more than just *relaxing*...for me, it has always been a profound sense of coming home and being welcomed with open, expectant arms which are happy to see me. It is a place of deep restoration and healing.
From my first retreat there, I knew this was a special place, an extraordinary group of people with several wonderful missions in the world. The brothers are not "cloistered", living only in the monastery and enclosed, but instead they live what is called a "mixed life". They teach, preach and do all sorts of things in helping spread the gospel and minister to many kinds of people throughout so many different places. But they also gather (whenever possible)for prayer in the chapel, often hastening to put on their habits (black cassock with rope belt, and black scapular) over their clothing as they hurry to gather from wherever they've been.

The music is sublime! and the food is delicious. The guest rooms are comfortable and the monastery is close to Harvard Square and right across from the Charles River, as it's located on Memorial Drive in Cambridge, MA. The quest for an ever deepening relationship with Jesus is set within wonderful worship and simple services of prayer throughout the day and into the evening. I am always renewed and strengthened when I am there (it's been way too long since I've been....this year I just MUST schedule a few days there).
If you have time, click on the link to their web site and wander a while through the pages of tours of the monastery's simple chapel (it is so 360 degrees you can even see the inside of the high vaulted wooden ceiling!)and guest house, listen to some of the music and perhaps book mark the web site to come back and read even more. NOT that I'm trying to recruit anyone...just sharing what has always been sweet, cool deep water for a thirsty spirit and warm love and joy for a weary heart. Enjoy! www.ssje.org

Enigma

2009-01-17T17:35:00.007-05:00

This is just so weird. After my formerly "late" marvelous Toshiba Satellite was CLEARLY and CONSISTANTLY going eternally "bye-bye", giving me just enough time to get a new one at an amazingly bargain price, my mother suggested perhaps after not being used for a while, the old one would work again. Like our TV which was almost totally "kaput" and then spent a year in a somewhat damp garden shed, but which is now working just fine....amazingly, against all odds.
Now, I know computers and TVs do not have *souls*, therefore the concept of resurrection (unless you deliberately do something like rebuild the things) just does not apply.

HOWEVER, today while considering the new Operating System, Windows 7 and playing with the idea of thinking about installing it on this machine......if I could get it to boot or something, I plugged in this (I'm writing from the formerly *done in* Toshiba Satellite even now) laptop, fired it up and wowee......it worked! I've been using it all day and it's been working perfectly! No screen freezes, no crashes.....fine! And, I re-thought the idea of installing an operating system which is still in beta form, guaranteed to have "bugs" and glitches and which will completely stop operating on August 1. Reason kicked in and said this is just not a good idea. There are enough stressers in life without reaching out and purposely asking for some more.

But still, this machine continues to work! It is an enigma. Oh I'm not going to take back the new laptop.....uh uh....nope. That would most certainly set the re-demise of this machine in motion again. All those "my days are numbered....caution....caution" signals this was giving me for weeks were real. I don't expect this little honeymoon of sorts today to continue endlessly. Yet, isn't it strange?

Over time, I've had the opportunity to converse at length with various brilliant computer people (they could build them, program them, fix them.....all that) and not one of them really knew the inner actual *thing* that makes these incredible machines really work. It has made me, a totally self-taught computer user feel a little better at all the things I don't know about them myself. Mystifying, isn't it? How like us, in many ways. The Bible says we are "fearfullyly and wonderfully made" and isn't that the truth! That we could have the intelligence to invent these things in the first place, and then develop them over the years to the extraordinary extent they are now. From the early days of DOS where you had to type things in EXACTLY correctly or you'd get bupkis....nothing (and the computer wouldn't give you a hint what you did wrong or how to go on from there) to the "point and click" world of Windows. Amazing. I think back to the extraordinary concept of even having a computer that would sit on your desk without being the size of a trailer or something, as in the original computers which needed huge cooling resources. The breakthrough of the Personal Computer was amazing (trying not to "date" myself here...I was really young). But now, where it has gone from there, making that older technology so incredibly obsolete, just think about the "evolution" of the computer over the years.

Whoops! About that "e" word, evolution. I'm not hinting that I believe in Darwin's theory...I learned my life science of taxonomy to be Life: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species; and that living things evolve WITHIN their own species to survive, or they become extinct. I do not believe we humans were ever sharks or fish or any of that drivel (respectfully speaking for those who do believe this) because we haven't jumped a species. We have evolved and changed to survive within our environment. But that's about living, breathing life...not electronic stuff made of plastic, metal, wires and electricity and cannot evolve without a person making this happen to/for them (the computers).

So, here I am. I enjoyed going to www.fancast.com to watch the most recent episode of "Grey's Anatomy" in HD on this lovely screen, listening to the sound through the nice Harmon Kardon stereo speakers. Everything about this laptop has just been humming along beautifully all day. Go figure. It's an enigma. Who knows about tomorrow or whenever, though. I'm grateful to have the new Toshiba laptop sitting on the shelf. So very much like life. Just when you think you have something completely figured out, sometimes there's a surprise which had previously seemed not possible. But isn't it nice to be prepared? Even if that preparedness is just an illusion, too. Relax. We need to plan, prepare and keep ourselves pointed in the direction we've chosen for our lives. But remember: we're not in control of very much at all. Just breathe, do your best, and enjoy the ride :-)

There is Comfort

2009-01-15T14:15:00.003-05:00

Today surprised me. It’s the nineth anniversary of my father’s death and out of the blue I feel like the Empire State Building landed square on my chest. And no, it’s not a cardiac issue. It’s just that I’ve made it through the previous 8 years on this day without such sorrow. Sad remembrance yes, but not to this extent. Oh this is hard and teary. I guess I’ve been so busy taking care of my mother’s feelings and needs that I’ve just not thought about my own. Something inside must have clicked open though, that secret place which will have its say, sometimes unbidden if left closed away too long. So, today I will sit with this and hope it goes away soon. I’ll honor my father and seek comfort for me. I wish the words God spoke to me early on when grief was fresh, to sooth the rawness and renew my hope, would still have the same impact they did back then. It was a real moment of not only clarity, but true sweetness…and I heard the words ring in my heart as well as through my mind when they came. It could not have just been from me, my imagination. I was at such a different place and trying to do so many things for which my responsibilities of course continued. I absolutely knew it was the Lord. And after those words came and embedded themselves, I turned a corner then and moved forward. Until today, I thought it was all *fine*. Maybe if I re-remember them, those simple profound words, it will ease things. God said, “Spring will come again.” And it did. A new “Spring” in my heart, long before the buds began showing on the trees. I haven’t written any poetry in a long time. I feel a poem coming on. It doesn’t sound like any of my usual styles of writings, but we’ll see what happens. Perhaps it might be a blessing for someone.

Nine years ago my father died,
A sad day, but I never cried.
My mother and I through three hard days had stayed by his side.

There couldn’t have been any other way,
It was a blessing God took him that day.
No “getting better” was possible for him,
The thought of more future here would have been terribly grim.

No more debility, no more pain,
Just release into a heavenly plane.
The space he left is too huge to fill,
His own unique place is somehow living still.
Into the early sorrow and empty pain,
God spoke to my heart, saying,:
“Spring will come again….”

Christmas: a movable, ongoing feast

2009-01-14T01:19:00.007-05:00

Tonight, at long last, after snow and ice storms, massive power outages for days and just lots of life happening since Christmas, my two dear friends and I (20 years of friendship and prayer partners) FINALLY got together for dinner and to share Christmas with one another. Although it's been some time since all the "trappings" of Christmas have come down, the spirit and love of the Christmas season flowed richly among us as we shared simple good food, wonderful conversation and laughter and gave one another our Christmas gifts. Despite it being January 13, nothing at ALL seemed odd about this. My friends and I have many responsibilities, involvements in our churches, families, work, and variables in our lives over which we have only limited (if any) control. So, it's not unusual that our birthday and Christmas celebrations have sometimes been "extended" like this. That's how we feel about them. Reality might say these festive holiday get-togethers have been "delayed", but in our hearts, they are simply *extended* --- that the joy has just expanded and certainly nothing is lost in celebrating significantly long after the rest of the world has put Christmas away.

On the drive back home, I gave some thought about how this is really how it should always be. Oh, I don't mean that people should purposely *extend* or wait longer before they celebrate Christmas, but that we should keep a Christmas heart all year long....live a Christmas life every day. Oops....this doesn't mean multiple trips to the mall and more presents. Nope. Jesus came to us, born anew in our hearts at Christmas and our response is to spread the word and do the "work" of Christmas all year long.

The late Dr. Howard Thurman wrote a wonderful poem, "The Work of Christmas" which describes this perfectly. As we step further into the New Year, let's think about this and carry Christmas along with us in what we do as well as how we are with one another. Here's the poem,

"The Work of Christmas"

"When the star in the sky is gone,
When the Kings and Princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flocks,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To release the prisoner,
To teach the nations,
To bring Christ to all,
To make music in the heart."

Now, wouldn't the world, or even just our little corner of it be so much brighter, lighter, and happier if we were to do this all year long? :-)

Nifty computer things to occupy time.....

2009-01-07T15:05:00.008-05:00

Another snow/ice event has been happening outside for hours and hours now, actually since before the day began. Ick. But it is January in NH, after all, so it's to be expected. Plain snow is much easier to deal with, of course, but weather's just another thing over which we have no control. We've had to be out and in this a few times today and haven't been plowed out yet, so....triple ick. Heavy, icy, wet snow. Ick ick ick.

So, there's been some time wasting going on over here (that'd be by me) at the computer. I spent a ton of time doing extra work yesterday, so I rationalize a little computer play time today as the weather has put major wrinkles in what I'd otherwise be doing.

And, since I've discovered 3 intriguing new (and free....that's a requirement) fun things to play at on the computer, of course I just had to share :-) Perhaps everybody has known about them for a long time and just I'm among the last folks to find out. Who knows. In any event, if you don't know about them, they're kinda fun. They're not interacting with other people kinds of things, but creative sorts of things. Two of them I really enjoyed and the third, well, despite reading what a "wow" it is as a game, and be careful or you'll be spending all your time playing this.....well, I'm not seeing what all the jazz is about. To me, it's just OK. Others may love it.

The first is this way to make colorful sand pictures on your screen just by manipulating your mouse (or touch pad). It has a kind of soothing feeling to it as well. Seeing the sand drifting down and being able to move around where it goes, change the color at will....a quiet sort of contented fun. Very nice on a dreary "icky" stormy day like today. You will find this activity (it's really not a *game*....no score, you just make your own sand pictures) at: www.thisissand.com

A blank screen will open. Just double click someplace and you'll see this sand drifting down. Move your mouse (or finger) around and you'll move the sand around as well. Press your letter "c" key and you'll get a multiple shaded/colored screen. Move to the color you'd like to select for your sand and double click again. Zappo. You're back to your sand picture and sprinkling that color of sand! There are a few more things to do with this, but it's fun to discover on your own :-)

The next fun thing involves a way to "paint" with your mouse (or finger) Jackson Pollock-like pictures. Very nifty and more active than the sand painting thing. This is found at www.jacksonpollock.org Go to this site and again, you'll encounter a blank screen....UNTIL you begin to move your mouse/finger around and the wild blobs and lines begin to happen wherever you move your mouse. Double click on the screen and presto....a random new color happens. This is very jazzy indeed. Even the most artistically challenged folks can make some cool stuff happen on the screen with this. Despite this not being a favorite style of art for me, it's somehow rather exciting and feels a bit empowering to make all this happen under your fingers. Like venting with art without making a mess!!! Now, who among us wouldn't like that?

The last thing, the thing which apparently lots of people find "addicting" but was just *OK* as far as I'm concerned is a game called "Boomshine". The music which goes with it is rather nice (happy sounding piano music with other instruments which join in....nice....pleasant), so when you give this a try, make sure you have your sound on. You'll find this at www.addictinggames.com/boomshine.html

So, if you have find yourself with some time to occupy while at your computer, here you go! Three kind of cool things to try. Have fun! And stay safe in this icky, icy weather.....

My best electronic gizmos of 2008

2009-01-03T13:55:00.009-05:00

Last year (although I'm FIRMLY looking FORWARD in 2009) was a banner year for fabulous and affordable, practical, enjoyable electronic finds for me. Above is a picture of an incredible gizmo called the ClickFree automatic backup and restore system. It's an external hard drive, yes, but it's designed to simply plug into a port on your computer and instantly back up your computer however you want. It knows how to separate all your different types of files (documents, pictures, music, videos, saved email, etc) and it truly does it all by itself! You can back up several computers and it instantly recognizes which one you're dealing with at the time. Also, most helpful, is you can use it to restore or transfer files to a different computer, too! I love this thing and it really saved my bacon when I had to purchase a new laptop due to the demise of my former one. Easily I put all my important stuff onto the new machine and I can access it, like, presto! It's lightweight, doesn't require a power source, comes with it's own cable....you don't even need to install any software to run it! They come in different sizes.....I think mine is 165 GB. It's designed to be able to deal with the contents of up to 10 different computers. I can't recommend this gizmo enough. OH oh....how could I forget! It was INCREDIBLY reasonable to purchase and now, of course, it would cost even less. And when you think of the importance of all your material, how can you not have something like this for when your computer ultimately bites the big one? We do know that's a matter of "when" and not "if". Being prepared is such a secure feeling :-)

This is an amazing thing which is SO beyond just being an electronic "reader". It's the "Kindle" by Amazon. Even before adding any additional memory (via a memory card) it will easily hold the contents of 200 books. But WAIT....you can do so much with this thing, it's truly astonishing. It comes in it's own little binder thing, but knowing I'd need to be able to keep the binder closed with this in my purse, I purchased an upgraded one. So it actually "looks" like a book. However, you can ALSO go online with this thing! It uses something called "whispernet" (a form of cell phone type technology supported by Sprint) which requires NO subscription or fee to use at all...even if you have no relationship with the Sprint people --- which I don't. You can Google stuff, go to lots of sites, get the weather for anywhere, read blogs.....incredible. The QWERTY keyboard, albeit small, is easily negotiable and the thing is totally intuitive to easily learn. Yes, the screen is in black and white, but basically, aren't most of the books you read? Additionally and wonderfully, there's a "Kindle store" which you access with your Kindle and the cost of books in this format are SO MUCH less than in hard copy. Plus, if you want to subscribe to any of SEVERAL newspapers or magazines, they are extraordinarily inexpensive and each edition is instantly, automatically delivered to your Kindle. Weighing 10 oz, this little gizmo is a dynamic wonder. It has so many more features to make your reading/browsing experience, especially on the go, just a delight. Oh! Also, you can load your music onboard and listen to it (with ear buds) as an MP3 player as well! OK, if you go to the Amazon site, you'll see it's pretty pricey. But if you're an avid reader, the books are SO much less expensive. I was very fortunate to able to purchase mine via a huge coupon together with an amazing special promotional sale so it put it within my price range (which, as a pastor's wife, is, well, stuff has got to be as inexpensive as possible). It charges quickly and holds the charge for HOURS and hours. It's just simply fabulous!!
Although this LOOKS like an iPod, it so totally is NOT. It's a Sansa e280 MP3 player. What makes it different from an iPod? Oh simply tons of marvelous things! First, it's way less pricey, plus it's not nearly as delicate, being a flash player with no moving parts. This model with 8 GB of storage, will hold thousands of things: more music than you could imagine (and you can organize this into play lists by album, artist, genre etc), pictures and videos and has a built in radio receiver as well. The color screen is very attractive and the battery life (rechargable) is amazing. It has a wonderful equalizer so you can adjust the sound settings for your music to suit your specific taste in sound. And the quality of the sound it produces? WONDERFUL. This is my second Sansa MP3 player, the first having been a 1GB model which required a AA battery. The e280 is an upgrade for me and my former Sansa is alive and well and living with a friend I gave it to who'd been so wanting an MP3 player. Also, I can simply plug this one into my car and it will play directly through it's sound system! Yay! Plus, not being an iPod, you're not locked into iTunes for your downloadable music and can purchase it anywhere to download to your computer and sync it onto the player (as well as music you've ripped from CDs, of course). If you are into researching for the best prices, find great sales, you'll be able to find this for an affordable price. It's sleek, light weight, attractive, reliable and just totally amazing.

If you have an MP3 player, doubtless you've wished for the ability to listen to your music (and share it with others at the same time as well) without ALWAYS being tethered to earbuds or earphones. This is the GPX Music System with iPod docking station which is compatible with other MP3 players as well. Those 7 odd little things in the picture are just adaptor dealies for different models of iPods so they can "dock"/click into place. For other MP3 players, you simply use a cable the type of which I can't instantly recall (RCA cable?) but had on hand and presto --- you're in business. The quality of sound is GORGEOUS and there's quite a bit of cable for each speaker so this could easily be a bookshelf stereo system. I have mine with the speakers right next to the central unit (which also has a nice clock) on the table next to the bed. Additionally, this system has a marvelous AM/FM radio receiver with an additional unobtrusive wire antenna which provides for fabulous reception. And the price? I got mine for a smidge over $25.00, including the shipping. Oh...and did I mention it even has a remote control? Yup. How can you miss! LOVE this thing.

So, there you have them! The 4 fabulous electronic gizmos I acquired in 2008 which really DO make life easier and more fun and will last for a long, long time. When you find things as great as these, you just HAVE to share the info! Enjoy!!!

Requiem for my old Toshiba Satellite

2009-01-02T12:21:00.005-05:00

Well, it had to happen some day. I mean, computers crash and that part's not really such a big deal, if you've saved what you've been working on. Usually we learn that big "IF" thing (as in saving) the hard way, and hopefully only once. But we also know that electronic gizmos only work just so long, despite how well taken care of they are and mine lived a careful life of cautious luxury. NEVER did anything "untoward" happen to it. But the crashes became more frequent, the screen freezes really more unpredictable and frequent, necessitating having to do the just-turn-it-off thing by pushing the button instead of what it much more prefers, the normal shut-down process. Like many of you computer folk, I had TONS of music on there and even more documents and other important stuff. Thankfully last year I bought this GREAT thing (more about it in my *favorite gizmos of 2008* post yet to be written....really....it's just the best thing in this category and SO reasonably priced, even I could afford it) called the ClickFree which is an external backup system that's simply amazing. I had everything backed up on there and on a cigar drive as well.

New Years Eve day I decided to do the thing that personally I hate to do because it's so time consuming (meaning you have to reinstall everything afterward) --- totally erase/restore your machine...wipe off everything that you put on there after it came from the factory and start from scratch to restore it to how it was when you first took it out of the box. This was after doing multiple scans for viruses, malware etc. and having a truly clean machine --- just one that was on it's way out.

I was convinced that all that labor would have FIXED my Toshiba and it'd be FINE. I so hated the idea of having to buy (gulp) another one, especially after having become so attached to all the great features of that laptop. This had been purchased for me at such an amazing bargain through a friend in California (the ONLY way I'd have been able to afford such a great laptop) and I was dreading having to go backwards in quality of screen etc. Since my Satellite was a little more than 4 years old, of course a newer one would be faster etc. But so expensive......

Well, from the title of this post, you already know that all this effort was futile and in the wee early hours of New Year's Day ( before 5:00 AM) I began researching prices for new Satellites. Yow were they all over the map! Joyfully, though, I discovered a REALLY good model that's had GREAT technical and user reviews at BestBuy on sale for $499.99 (yes, it's $500...that "99" stuff somehow makes it a tad easier to swallow). Of COURSE they didn't have any in the store closest to us, and they were totally sold out online. But phone calls led us to make a harrowing drive down to the Manchester BestBuy because literally they were flying out the door while I was on the phone with the salesperson. And we really didn't want to have to drive further on down to Salem or over to Nashua in pursuit of this laptop. We got there just in time, because we purchased the very last one!

No it doesn't have a webcam (I particularly enjoy the fact I can be online in my robe or in bed or whatever and I'm not interested in anybody catching that view) and the stereo speakers aren't the best, but I've got some external ones if I'm really wanting to be listening while I'm online. But it's REALLY fast, has tons of RAM (I mean way more than necessary to run Vista....I could take up "gaming" if I were so inclined) and a HUGE hard drive, terrific optical CD/DVD RW drive as well as lots of actually good software included. And the screen....oh I'm so happy about the screen :-) I could play HD DVDs on here if I wanted to and the screen quality for just every day stuff is pristine, bright, crisp and sharp. Love the screen. Really nice large size screen, too.

So after setting it up and then finally moving everything (photos, other graphics, videos, documents, other stuff) from the former Satellite onto here, I am up and running again. I even find I prefer this keyboard. I am SO grateful to have been able to find this at the sale price just when I needed it and had squirreled away the "just in case" funds to be able to get it. All in the nick of time.

My mother suggested that now I've purchased this machine, perhaps after a little rest, the old one will take on new life again as our upstairs TV did. That thing was totally done for (you know the signs: purple weirdness on the screen, wavey streaks of green and magenta that never go away...the signal that the TV is going to quit at any time). We lugged that thing out of the house and it spent more than a year in the shed (it's kinda big and we hadn't figured out yet how to throw it away). When my stepson had been here he inquired that if he brought it in the house (that thing is HEAVY) and if it turned out to work, could he use it in the guest room where he was staying. Of course we said sure, but thought this was only going to result in some physical exercise for him. We were all stunned that the thing worked just fine! It's STILL working just fine! Oooops......I shouldn't be thinking/typing this loud....it might hear me and decide to fink out again once and for all :-).

So, I guess we'll see. But at least, my "old" laptop served a wonderful purpose for me and I made some great stuff with it. It had been a floor model at a computer store in Thousand Oaks, California, so who knows how much use/abuse it endured even before I received it and then used it for who knows how many hundreds of hours in the 4+ years it served me well.

Now, there's the challenge of learning Vista. I really like some stuff about it, but it's going to take some time just to find "normal" things I'd been accustomed to instantly locating on my XP machine. It's a new year, though....it's good to learn new things :-)

Happy New Year! Look FORWARD!!!

2008-12-31T13:56:00.004-05:00

After thinking about whether to write about my favorite gadgets from 2008 or a New Year's message which really stands out to me, I'm thinking I'll write the latter first :-) For many of us, this was a really really looooooooong year, wasn't it? And I don't mean just jam-packed full of fun and joviality. It was a hard year in many ways, though it also had its own joys.
It's funny. We journey through Advent in preparation for the joy of Christmas and then bam...New Year's is upon us and we're looking at those Resolutions again, often feeling varieties of failure about the ones we made with such diligence last year(s) and didn't *keep*, or they just didn't stick, or whatever. So here we are on the cusp of a brand spanking new year stuck between the residue of what we didn't accomplish last year and the need to come up with some goals for this new one only hours away ready to pounce upon us.
I'd like to suggest what might be a radical new idea. Instead of creating resolutions of what you "should" or "need" to do, why not instead come up with a few of what you shouldn't? Like a list of New Year's Nonsolutions, or Unsolutions. Then pare them down to a basic concept or two, because you know they really will fall into a couple of categories which are more manageable to consider than a whole bunch of things. A few things you covenant that you WON'T do next year. Things that by NOT doing will benefit you and those you love and the world around you.

What do you think? Personally, it's the direction I'm going to take. Oh this doesn't mean I'm planning to dive off the wagon and go nuts with carbohydrates and totally forget about the idea of exercise. But are you grokking with the slight but really huge difference here? [I love that old term "grok"....if you read science fiction you'll remember that.....it means something even more internal and intense than just *understand* something...if you "grok" something, it means you can practically see/feel it through/within the person you're sharing the idea with because you experience the concept in a real way instead of just intellectually "understanding" it.]

Before we step into the New Year, though, we do need to make peace with the last one, to take responsibility for it and to put it where it really lives: in the PAST. We need to say thank you to the things that have blessed us which we continue to carry as part of ourselves and to say good bye to the things that weren't so good for us whether we were the ones who *did* them or not.
I have recently learned (thanks to the help of a friend) how to imbed a Youtube video directly here. Really listen to this song. You've probably heard it on a couple of TV shows in the background as they're ending. Now the fabulous group "Il Divo" has recorded it in Spanish. But you need to really hear the words in English. It's "Hallelujah" [BTW "Hallelujah" means "praise the Lord" in Hebrew] written some several years ago by Leonard Cohen and then recorded by the late Jeff Buckley. A whole bunch of people have sung it since, but I love this particular performance.
It's a perfect sound track for taking stock of your own personal 2008, making peace, saying "thank you" as well as "good bye" and all the things you need to do before you close the book and look FORWARD into the unyet written 2009.

It's basically the story of David in the Bible. Oh how we can relate. Man did he ever blow it over and over again in huge ways, yet was redeemed and blessed. Sure there were consequences, as there are for us (that's what I mean about taking responsibility before saying goodbye, taking what we needed to learn from 2008 and then moving FORWARD).

Please oh please take the time to click on the link, sit back and listen and drink in the song. I hope it blesses you as much as it does me. I pray that 2009 will bring peace, healing, growth and joy to your lives as well as things of your hearts desires. Really consider that concept of resolutions of "Not Do's" instead of "Should or Will Do's". :-) Happy New Year!

Time to Plant and Tend Your Garden!

2008-12-29T00:39:00.001-05:00

Around Thanksgiving PJ and I saw this cool TV news story about a guy who diligently tends what he calls two “gardens”: one is a vegetable garden, and the other is a service he provides daily on the highways of California for people who have broken down, run out of gas or have flat tires. His truck is plainly marked so people know he’s *for real*. He accepts no money for this service he cheerfully renders whenever he sees someone pulled over, obviously with a car that’s stopped working. He simply gives each person a card asking them to help others whenever they can, in whichever way they can. That’s all. Simple, profound, real and amazing. So like Christ. Sure, it’s easier for this guy because he’s retired and has the time for this full time service and somehow has the funds for the gallons of gasoline and antifreeze/coolant he dispenses, and the varieties of fan belts he replaces. But surely, somehow, on some level we can all plant and tend gardens like this, too, in ways which are safe for us and helpful for others. We just have to be watchful and open for opportunities. Because, my friends, you may have been noticing this too: more than ever people are becoming more callous, crass and de-sensitized to the needs of others. If we ever needed to plant seeds of kindness and regularly tend and be generous in giving out of the fruits, it surely is NOW.
Last week after leaving a meeting and doing a fast errand at Staples, I joined countless others in the parking lot whose cars were covered over with a thick misery of snow which was liberally coated with ice, and sleet still coming down. Lovely. I’d come away from the house without gloves, but at least I had a scraper! With the car running and defrosters heating up, I dug in with the scraper, trying to ignore my cold hands while remembering the law about clearing the roof of the car too. Just as I was finishing up with my car, a man came out to start this same work on his SUV, only he had gloves but no scraper. It would be a hard go for him getting through all that ice. The least I could do was just step over and help….so I did. “Let me give you a hand with that….at least I have a scraper,” I said, beginning with the passenger side as that was closest to where I was standing. As soon as all that area was cleared and I’d begun working on the driver’s side, the man said with no particular feeling, “That’s ok….my wife’s driving”. (!!!!) I only looked at him for a second [I didn’t glare….really…..I was too stunned] and then just started in on the driver’s side. I think he reconsidered what he said because, a little embarrassingly he followed up with, “Um…..I guess I shouldn’t have said that.” I smiled and told him I thought probably he’d like for his wife to be able to see where she’d be driving him and we both continued on in silence until his car was acceptably cleared.
My hands were fine. All the scraping was fine. It had been worth it, especially with this particular man. Who knows what his life is like to casually say something like that….to a woman who was pitching in to help his scraperless-self out of an icy, snowy mess. When I got into my car, though, my brief prayer liberally included his wife.
Many of you are generous in so many ways. I’m merely trying to call attention to another vital area which takes little time or energy and provides much satisfaction for you as well as providing acts of kindness and faith which will sow seeds that will change the world. Really. Jesus chose one person at a time. More than 2000 years ago He selected only 12 disciples who diligently spread His gospel throughout regions of the world, calling more and more ordinary people, and Christianity continues to grow as the huge force of goodness, grace, love and salvation in our world today. One person at a time. Please remember this whenever you might think to yourself, “well, it’s only me….what can I do…what can I give….what do I have to offer…I’m only one person”.
There’s a scripture in 1 Peter I’d like to share and then morph it around to fit this situation about 2009 being the year you diligently plant your *garden* and generously, creatively share from it. “Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith” (1 Peter 5:8). Put this scripture together with a quote from Eli Weisel: “Evil happens when good people stand idly by and do nothing”. I know you’re getting the picture here. But let’s turn the concept to face into the joy of it: LOVE happens when good people step up and do something. Just a little something. Scraping here, a kindness there, a smile or soft word….whatever fruits you creatively grow in your garden and share generously with the world. Why not let 2009 be the year you intentionally plant such a garden. Become more aware, sew the seeds, share the fruits and reap the harvest. You will be blessed. Happy New Year! Happy New YOU!
Love,
Karen Brook Westhaver +

Have some fun: What's your favorite Christmas Carol?

2008-12-26T06:17:00.011-05:00

Notice the term is "Christmas Carol", not holiday song. See, "Jingle Bells" or even "White Christmas" doesn't really count, though that last one's a pretty song. Nope, a Christmas carol is distinctively well, ahem, religious in a quasi sort of manner. You know what I mean? Something you may remember from singing in a choir sometime in church, or if you went to a Christian school, or a school where they allowed songs which celebrated the *Christ* part of Christmas. But not "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" or the above mentioned "Frosty", "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" or other ones I seem to be blocking on at the moment.

When George Winston (very cool pianist with a distinctive open sound) came out with his album entitled "December", I'd never heard of this guy. Never heard of his music, didn't know anything about the album. But I loved the cover. It's the only album I ever bought purely because the cover struck me as something of beauty and made me think there must be good music inside. And wow was I right.

Every year I love to dig out his renditions of "The Holly and the Ivy" and "Some Children See Him" among others. See, George is very cagey about his written music. Oh yes, he does write it down, often with the help of a guy named Chip Davis. BUT he doesn't often release these written pieces and I grab them up when I can find them. I'm not so hot at playing by ear, but give me notes and I can generally make something of them. George Winston's notes, however, are deceptively simple to hear. MUCH practice is required, at least for me. But then, I can't stand to play something and have it just sound only kind of like it's supposed to. You know? Not that I'm a total perfectionist, but something's got to sound goooood. And at least also have the spirit of the piece and make the listener feel inspired, cheered or blessed by the hearing of it.
So here's the challenge. I wish I could give a prize, but, won't it be fun to check back here and see what stuff people have pulled out as their favorite Carols? That's kinda a prize in its own, don't you think? Go ahead.....even if you can't spell "Wenceslaus" (as in Good King Wenceslaus) or whatever, just have at it. Have fun :-) If we don't keep these carols alive in one manner or another, we're eventually going to be destined to hearing only "Frosty" "Rudolph" and "Santa" at Christmas time. And that would be, just, well.....wrong :-(
If you post stanzas of verses in your comments, I'll print them all. Hey, friends...it's not too late. There's 12 days of Christmas. At least. Remember, the concept is to keep the spirit of Christmas all year long. I can't wait to see what folks might write back! Enjoy!!!

Mantra for the season...for all the time

2008-12-21T03:39:00.009-05:00

Insomnia. Not a a good thing. Lots of you know this "up close and personal", I'm sure. We have a sort of club, don't we? But the meetings are all held individually, keeping a kind of watch through the night until maybe, just maybe, sleep might come. And oh yes I've had this all evaluated and treated etc. Blah blah. You may well know the concept and if so, I'm sorry. There is something unique about being awake in the middle of the night, knowing there are countless others who are awake as well. There is a prayer which is sometimes said toward the end of a late night evening service (called Compline) which if sleep is elusive for you, too, you may relate with also: "
Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and
give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give
rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted,
shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen."

For those of you who are occasional or more regular members of the insomniac guild, I hope that prayer ministers to you. There's something peaceful about it to me, even though I'm not in the weeping or generally not in the working catagory which it references.

BUT. For all of us not only in the hecticness of this holiday season, but wrestling (at least at times) with the overall difficultness which comes with winter and life in general these days, there's this other saying which keeps coming to the forefront of my mind like a mantra when needed. I used to know who wrote it, but a quick Internet search only showed me that tons of other people know this phrase as well, but no author is mentioned. Don't you all have people in your life which cause you inwardly to go "grrrrr"? Perhaps outwardly, too. Hey! A yawn just came on! But before I sign off I have to share it with you in the hopes it may help someone retain (or regain) their peace in stressful times: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind
of battle".

For me, it helps with getting get back in touch with compassion when it's gotten a little overly stretched. I hope it'll do the same for you,
too :-)

Be True to your Personal Truth...or at least discover what it can be to enhance your life

2008-12-18T01:28:00.013-05:00

The holiday season is a great buffeter of persons. This is an equal opportunity situation and no one is exempt. Sooner or later fatigue, demands/expectations of others, overly scheduled time combined with lapses in various disciplines, and whammo. It all reaches critical mass and you've become crisp around the edges, at the very least. You've seen the brittle people, the strained expressions, the frozen smile, the furrowed brow. Maybe you've seen this face in your mirror! Ouch. Hopefully the goal then becomes modified to include a return to some kind of discipline including more rest, silence and prayer plus a deliberate quest for joy. Not the razzle dazzle kind of glitz which passes as joy for some. But that's fake stuff and tiring! It also leads to a feeling of emptiness...not what you're going for at all here.

Personal truth is more than just a code of conduct, but that's a good place to start if this is a new concept for you. A guy with Toltec ancestry became an MD and lived in the world of modern medicine until something led him back to his Toltec roots and he wrote a book entitled "The Four Agreements". He also morphed back to his origins and I'm not sure if he even practices Western medicine at all. In order to glean the most important stuff in the book, you don't have to buy it, or even read it. Here are the agreements in their totality:

(1) Be impeccable with your word; (2) Don’t take anything personally; (3) Don’t make assumptions; and (4) Always do your best. Wow! Really something, right? Elegantly simple, unique in their purity and total distillation of the best common sense around. A perfect foundation to build your own personal truths upon or an anvil on which to craft your own core inner beliefs as your Personal Truths. See, this is about YOU, yourself and how you deal with "incoming missiles" from others, especially when your stressed...your response in the things you tell yourself about who you are and how you live. While the wonderful words of Jacob in Micah 6:8 are a great beginning ("He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."), I think we need more specifics broken down to be able to apply it to specific everyday circumstances.

Well, just some hopeful words after a trying day. Remember...this season is an equal opportunity stressor :-) Hope this concept is freeing, enriches your life and give you a context to help process the various flotsam and jetsam that gets flung in your direction every day. Enjoy! And work on getting more silence and prayer woven into your day. Give it a try!

"In the bleak midwinter..." Time to Look Forward

2008-12-16T03:27:00.004-05:00

It's not even officially winter yet. Somehow it doesn't "feel" like Christmas either. None of the "happy happy, jolly jolly" stuff of other years. Isn't it funny how that seems to wax and wane with other ongoing *seasons* or rhythms in your life, or events of life flowing all around you, sweeping you up making it take bunches of energy just to stay focused with your feet under you?

For a couple of years, before the economy bottomed out, even, for spiritual reasons, PJ and I have kept a "smaller Christmas". Small on decorations and small on gifts except for others. As others' pressures build in the holiday season, we have found it more important personally to stay as focused as we can on the whole reason for the season....the Christ in Chritmas. We have one candle in the kitchen window and I have to say I miss the candle in every window image. It is so welcoming. But I can't justify the electric extra for that. When the price of Christmas trees went through the roof a few years back we decided the focal point was going to be our nativity scene instead of a tree, and we've stayed with that. In fact, even that's become more simple. Last year a close friend gave us a set of polished olive wood figures from Israel of Mary, Joseph, the manger and the baby Jesus. Those, together with a contemporary metal tree have become our "nativity" atop our low mantel in the TV room. It fits perfectly both in the room and in our hearts.

Still, something is harder, different this year. Can't quite put my finger on it. Today I read this poem, though which is something I'm going to carry with me for the next few weeks into the New Year. Here it is, and I hope it blesses you as it did me:

"I know
it's hard to be reconciled
not everything is exactly
the way it ought to be.

but please turn around
and step into the future
leave memories behind
enter the land of hope"
-- Zbigniew Herbert, from A Life

Make sure this Christmas you intentionally set aside some time just for you to spend at the manger. Drag aside the old weariness and other things weighing you down, sit and rest as you gaze into the face of Jesus. Then, close your eyes and look.....with the fresh newness that can only come from a baby. Now expand that vision and look at the world as the Infant Jesus does. See His wonder, hear His delight.....feel deeply His warm loving smile as He gazes at YOU. Embrace that feeling and hold it deep in your heart. You know, we don't have to reserve a trip to the manger for just Christmas. It is the very best part.

Let's All Meet at the Manger

2008-11-25T12:26:00.002-05:00

Some of you know that a few weeks ago our dear Bonnie dog left us and this world at the age of almost 18…something most remarkable for this kind of dog. But then again, Bonnie was a most remarkable dog. We had adopted her from the West Highland Terrier rescue people 13 years ago and never failed to marvel at what a “perfect” and loving dog she was.
During what we knew were Bonnie’s final weeks, I began researching the possibility of adopting another adult female Westie to try and fill the huge void we knew would be left in our family after she was gone. Amazingly, I found a NH Westie breeder who also privately “rescues” abandoned or abused West Highland Terriers. Two months earlier, this lady had acquired a 2 year old Westie who had been so neglected that she didn’t even have a name and was in the process of learning dog “basics”, including the fine art of house training. Soon there were email pictures of “Daisy” on my computer screen and our hopes for having another lovely dog were being realized. It would just take a little time.
When the happy day came for Daisy to be ready to meet us but not yet ready to come home, we learned more of her history. Although she’d originally been purchased as a puppy by a woman who thought she’d make her fortune breeding a pedigreed Westie for lots of litters, she never followed through with this plan, but instead kept the dog outside in a doghouse on a cement slab surrounded by a chain link fence. This little no-named dog had no friend or companion other than her shadow --- literally --- and periodically just had food tossed her way by her owner. It is astonishing that despite the hardship of this kind of isolated outdoor living for the first two years of her life, Daisy is a healthy dog. While formerly she had a habit of chasing her shadow wildly, even that has been brought under control.
It was really something to watch Daisy with about a dozen or so other Westies. Clearly this was “monkey see, monkey do” learning going on about how to relate with others and how to play. They’d play with balls, she’d join in. They’d be chewing on bones; she’d have one between her paws and chewing also. She observed their moves and participated the way they did. Thankfully, though of course shy at first, Daisy really liked us and it was deemed that when she was *ready*, we’d come and bring her to her new home. Diane, who had saved and named Daisy, is a loving woman with more than 20 years experience raising and training these dogs and Daisy could not have been in a better place to actually begin her new life socialized with people as well as other animals. Still, though, Diane was understandably a little concerned about Daisy and our cats. After all, Daisy had never seen a cat let alone lived with 4. In her whole two years of life, she’d only lived inside a house with people and dogs for just 2 months. We reassured Diane that we’d take it slow and cautiously and reminded her that our cats had been great with Bonnie and that Bonnie also had never seen a cat before coming to live with us.
Soon the terrific day arrived and we joyfully brought Daisy home. All went extremely well in introducing her to the house, and our cats were very polite in gently greeting her one at a time. It was obvious that Daisy liked them, too! While all of them get along beautifully together, the two of our cats who were particularly pals with Bonnie have now become Daisy’s frequent feline companions (Jazz and Lilly), often curling up together for naps.
Every day we learn something new from and about Daisy. After all this time with no human contact, Daisy sticks to either John or me like glue. When we leave a room, even if Daisy’s been napping, she’ll get up and go to be where we are. I was concerned why she would she pant but hardly ever drink water or go to her food dish. Yet when I’d bring her to her food and water bowls, she’d dig in with relish. But she wouldn’t eat or drink unless I was standing there with her. Suddenly it dawned on me. This dog has been so starved for human contact, she’d rather be pantingly thirsty than leave her people…she’d rather be with her people than eat! Day by day as she becomes more secure, we observe that when we’re downstairs she’ll go into the kitchen now on her own for food or water and then come back quickly to us. At first she’d leave the room briefly but instantly return to make sure we were still here.
Isn’t this how we all grow? Little by little….step by step? And isn’t this what we all need….gentle reassurance and encouragement by those who love us --- even as they’re just getting to know us? Modeling Christ-like behavior for finding the richness in living with joy? Discipline (from the word “disciple” --- training, NOT punishment) and learning better ways to solve problems and reach new heights of satisfaction in life? Learning how to set aside old and unhealthy habits in our interactions with others and stepping forward into newness, even though it’s beyond how we’re used to being, for greater and real reward? Discovering healthier ways of dealing with the sadder things in life to move forward, living in the now and looking with growing faith toward the future.
So many things about Daisy remind me about all of us in the church. We all have broken places or have healed from much brokenness, or still have a long way to go. It takes much time and LOTS of work, but it is so rewarding to see the results of people (and our animals) becoming who God created and intended them to be with wholeness and joy moving in their lives and peace reflecting through them like a mirror and evidenced by the work of their hands.
This doesn’t happen, friends, by just sitting on the couch or by even just sitting in the pew at church. If we are feeling stagnant or unfulfilled, or overwhelmed by the issues of everyday life, we need to look at what part we are playing in all that. In our “one click” world where we can get practically everything online, where work and things have been slowly but steadily edging out relationships from our lives, we have been learning to find relief in more passive or escape-ful ways: TV, shopping, all things computer/video game or cell-phone, substances, and so many other things/activities…..or even too much sleep! There are so many demands on our life, it is easy to get drawn into things we feel entitled to even at the expense of what is right in front of us which will bring much deeper satisfaction.
We were created by God to be in relationship with one another and with Him. To be His hands and feet in the world. To digest His word as the best “soul food” we could ever hope to consume…..so we’re not consumed by the problems of the world. To be “hearers of the word” AND “doers of the word” as well! (James 1:23-24 “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”)
What outstanding opportunities are open before you, even at this very time. Especially at this very time when there’s this good news: you are needed JUST as you have needs! There is no retiring from living a Christ-like life until, of course, we finally go home to be with Jesus. Think of it this way. Have you ever said, perhaps to the host at a dinner or a waiter in a restaurant:
“No, thank you…I have been eating for XX number of years…now it’s time to sit back and let somebody else benefit from nourishment.”
Oh I just cracked myself up on that one :-) I can’t imagine ever saying that…can you? We were made to be doers of God’s word, just as we were made to move. It’s the ONLY way we grow. Otherwise the results are not pretty. An Eastern proverb says it well: “When you’re green you’re growing…..when you’re ripe, you rot”.
The coldness of this season was made to draw us closer to the source of all warmth: the Lord. In following His example (and He did model boundaries --- a healthy balance in being and doing) in learning from His word, praising Him in worship and stepping up to live it out, that’s how we get our nourishment. These are the fundamentals of our very foundation.
Before we know it, Christmas will be here. So much of the Bible talks about preparing, “prepare the way for the Lord”, “Prepare your hearts” --- here are two significant settings to help you prepare for today as well as Advent and Christmas: Isaiah 40: 1-11 and Mark: 1:1-8. There’s a lot about repentance….clearing out the old to make way for the new. Cleaning out the old stuff to make a worthy place for new ways to grow.
As we think about the coming time of celebrating Jesus’ birth into our hearts, if He were going to make a special visit to your house, you’d clean it up first, wouldn’t you? Now’s the time to do some heartfelt spiritual house cleaning of our hearts, attitudes and priorities. You wouldn’t want Jesus to be born into an unclean manger, would you? If you could do anything about it? Here’s the good news: you CAN! We are called to live a “manger life” all year long, not just at Christmas. To keep coming to the manger, to worship and adore, learn and share with one another, and to do the work of the manger as well. In some cases, friends, remember that many need help in learning how to even build the manger first. Let’s roll up our sleeves (in a healthy balanced way) and assess how our lives can best be used for God in our church, and let’s all meet at the manger and dig in. Remember: you do still eat, don’t you? :-)